Focus on ME

[25yearsmlc]

JP,

Before u comment on your list, i wish you had stayed on your path because you & your w were making progress. Shecwas showing affection & you said younthought she'd be moving back soon.
you also said that frightened you so maybe you wanted to sabotage the M again. But

You promised Not to force her to choose, and to give her time, but then you did exactly the opposite and gave an ultimatum. You were/are Not to do that or set ANY boundaries IF you are not ready for the results.

So i don't know if you secretly wanted to end things, but so doubt it (with all the talk if MC and Retrovaille)...so that leaves me with the image if you NOT GAL and obsessing & festering and then blurting out words thoughtlessly, only to kick yourself later. It is a pattern if yours. Takes desire to change, & a plan about how you will Not repeat that same mistake again, AND also a bit if discipline to STOP yoyrsekf first --before you blurt out in pain ir anger---and ask yourself the likely outcome of your verbal outbursts...

Enough said, i hope. As for your list:

When you join clubs or organizations, or take classes, and learn something new, travel, study, volunteer, help others, Then --
You will BE a friend to new people. And

Being a friend -- is how we make friends. Seriously.
The more kind and loving we are, the more love & kindness we find in others (partly our PMA) and the more kindness and love we invite into our lives. It can morph into a cycle but We begin it. We create it.

But Making friends--some folks find it hard-& they ask how to meet and interact?

SO-
Asking folks how THEIR lives are, showing interest in them with sincerity, being interested in them & their opinions, (almost as if you are "interviwing" them)
& showing some energy for what they say or are doing, (don't sigh or look away, make eye contact often & listen "Actively")

and all these things--

make YOU a "good conversationalist."

You don't have to entertain them. Most people welcome interest in their lives, from others. Most crave it.
They will say You are the "good talker" even if most of your comments were questions and affirmations of Their comments and insights.
Yes it Seems ironic - but its true.

For instance---
Dale Carnegie's famous book, "How to Win Friends & Influence People" is still the seminal introductory piece on social skills. It's an oldie but a goodie,

Most of today's social books are based on it.

You may want to put it on your reading list.

Yes--I agree that too many Self help books can conflict and are hard to read constantly, all in a row, and can get boring.

So it makes sense to rotate other material in.

Try checking the New York Times Best Sellers list or. "Top 100" books at Barnes & Noble is anotiher source for reading ideas. Find what You like. I have about 12 different genres next to my bed or in my Nook.

Nooks and Kindles are E readers & (they can hold 1500 books or more, & newer ones show videos and have browsers, etc. E books are cheaper than "real books".
JP, i read a lot! And though I love real books, as in the whole bound pages on shelves thing, just feels great to me.

But lately, my glasses only work for an hour. Then my vision blurs a bit & I i need to enlarge the print (and regular books cannot achieve that!)
Hence, my Nook.

Anyhow, my last comment is that

when it comes to traits you want to change, versus not being too negative, ir too hard on yourself (easy to feel defeated & give up, so thats counter productive)
but there is a way to do it with a positivity included.

For instance, instead of telling yourself " don't be so negative" or "stop being critical",

You could instrad say "see a positive aspect to every situation/person I encounter. And Or - Compliment each person i meet, sincerely."

That's in the Dale Carnegie book!

When it becomes a habit, you will notice you are a kinder happier person, especially when your words give others joy. Amazingly, there are times i have given a compliment to someone and it REALLY makes a difference to them.
They recall it, they tell their families, they repeat them & they value them.

You are the giver of joy in that situation.
It gets easier to do this, in an authentic way, as your PMA grows. But start it even if you don't yet "feel" it.

It's an example of how an External change in behavior can change us Internally.

Good luck!