Thanks for stopping by. I tend to have a bit of the same feelings as you and Patrick, seems the guys say stay away from guyF while the women think it may be good. Who knows, but after last night I think my W wants me to talk with him.
UPDATE: PLEAE I NEED HELP WITH THIS!
Well when I posted yesterday, my W went to run a few errands and was going to be home before dinner if not earlier. As you guessed it was after we planned to start dinner that she called me (while I was starting to prepair dinner)
She said "I am sorry as I know you probably have dinner started or on the table, but I need your help. I am at the bar in my van and I am to F-ed up to drive. Can you come and help me." She also had trouble with an MS sitch. I said I will be there right away and I thanked her for calling.
When I got there she was just sitting in her van. She said "I love you so much, I'm sorry but I need help". She asked me to sit with her in the van and she asked about what we should do. I said I would drive her home and we would leave her van there and get in the morning. She indicated about her driving and me following, and I said gently no I will bring you home and get her van tomorrow.
I helped her to my car as she could barely walk. She said a lot of "I'm Sorry" "I am embaraced" "I feel stupid" and "I feel stupid for calling you". I replied compassionately to each of these and thanked her for calling me. I said I am always there to help.
She asked how this made me feel. I said "I appreciated that she called me, but I felt sad for her that she was hurting herself". I never once got angry, only understanding and compassion in my voice. She asked about what I meant by huritng herself. I said "I can tell you aren't happy and don't feel good about yourself right now, your hurting and I wish you wouldn't hurt yourself". She agreed that she wasn't happy and didn't like what had happened.
She also said that she tried to call other friends. The two she mentioned where guy Fs. She said the both told her to call me. She said the guy F that she lived with and wants to talk said "Call Reuben, he loves you more than anything. Reuben is a great man, and every woman needs a Reuben. I really want to get to know him. Just call him and he will help you." She said he really wants to hang out with me because he can tell I am a wonderful person. She mentioned this a couple of times last night.
I got her home and had to help her into and around the house as she could barely walk. I finished dinner as she took care of her MS accident. We ate dinner and she continued to the pitty party and saying how sorry she was and how stupid she felt.
Two things she said got me thinking a bit. One she said she would have something to talk about in C (she has IC today along with us having MC today). The second was that she talked about feeling like I deserve a better W. I told her that I wanted to be with her, but I hoped that someday she could feel like I deserved her. She inquired a bit, and I mentioned again about my fear of being a WAS because of needs not always being met. She said she feels like she is losing me more everyday. I told her that it wasn't true. I said that most of the things she does makes me feel loved. I could tell she understood me saying most indicated there was still work to do.
The rest of the night went well. I told her to remind me to say my rosary, and she actually asked to say it with me. We prayed the rosary together, I said it outloud as she follwed along (she hasn't done it in a long time). I also said most of my usual prayer at each mystery..."Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer, Thank you for blessing our M, and continue to bless out M. Help W and I soften our hearts toward each other, help us break down the walls between us, and help us find the strength to reconsile our M. Lord help us deal with our fears about the future of our M, and show us that through you Lord our M can be happy, loving, and pleasing to you 'til death do us part. Amen" I finished with a healing prayer for my W MS, and to have God help us be less selfish and more loving toward eachother.
My W said afterward it was the most beautiful prayer she has ever heard, and said it was perfect. It felt really good and was the first time I have felt us become more spiritually connected in a while.
She again snuggled up with me in bed and we fell asleep.
The thing I need help with from everyone is how to handle piecing with an alcoholic. She can't see this, but over the last few weeks her drinking is the thing that is being destructive to our M. I can see this clearly now after last night. I hope she talks with her C about it today (I will probably drop her off to get her van right before her IC). I also will start to pray that she asks for my support to deal with her alcoholism, and that she starts to come out of her denial. I mostly don't know what to say or do. I know if I get angry it won't help, and last night I was just supportive and helped.
Please anyone who has pieced their M back with an alcoholic or is currently, I need some insight and sitches to read. Resources dealing with this specifically from a DB and M positive perspective would really help.
TIA
God Bless You,
Reuben
Cautiously hopeful and keeping the Momentum
