Things starting in right direction, NEED TIPS!

[cruiserrg]

You will have to deal with the whole issue of boundaries with friends of the opposite gender...but...she let you in. She is not uncomfortable with you meeting and even getting to know her friends, that is a GOOD thing!

Tal, thanks for stopping by. Thanks for this tip. I look back on this now and I can see that.

The talk you had with her GF...I think that was great too. You being able to openly communicate these things to a third person was a way to look at your issues with a little bit of detachment. It was sortof like what you would experience going to an MC...except the GF took the place of the MC...and you were giving the GF DBing information. I would think it that was very cool if I were your W--much less, she got important information about you!

Again thank you so much for the insight. Her GF is actually studying to be a counselor so she has a lot of insight. I think my W took the conversation well, she hasn't backed off at all from what I can tell. I did mention the converstion and she and I both agreed it was good. She did even mention during the conversation and afterward she likes to hear me give R advice like that.

---

You mention the trust issue a lot. (this is understandable)
However, what I did notice is that W was encouraging and thought maybe it would be helpful for you to talk with the guy freind. I am not suggesting that you run and talk to him, form a life long freindship or anything. But, if she is encouraging it, she must not have too much to hide. In my oppinion if there was something she didn't want you to know you would hear something like, "I don't know why you would even think about talking to him about things, I came home to you. Can't you just take things for what they are and leave the past alone?"

This would be a typical WAS come back. The fact that she didn't do this tells me she is TRYING to earn your trust.

I may be totaly off base with this and other more experienced DB'rs may tell you I am off my rocker. I just wanted to give my 2 cents on what my thoughts were.

Rachelle,

Thank you so much for this insight, I NEVER saw this before or even looked at it this way. I think you may be correct. She did go to meet a friend and hang out where she stayed while seperated. Its a duplez house and she knows both guy tenants. As we were heading to the concert, I asked if the GuyF was there, she said he was sleeping. Then she asked why I always have to bring him up. I said refering to the night before if he mentioned anything about getting together. I do think she can read from me that it does bother me when she hangs out there. She seemed to understand when I answered that way. I asked if she had a problem with me talking with him. She replied "my ears will be ringing". I said would it seem like snooping to you, or do you not want me to talk with him. She said no, that there is nothing to hide. I said I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea, because I felt that he wanted to talk to me more than I did him. She agreed with this and said she had no problem with it.

Update for today.

Well as planned we headed out to eat and to a concert. Before my W went to meet a GF where she stayed while sep, we talked about when we should leave to make it there on time. Then as leaving she was flirting with me a bit and suggested posibility of ML when we got home.

Well before it was time I planned for a short nap and have her wake me up when she got there (about 10 min.). Well my W didn't show up until about 20-30 before we HAD to leave. We did make it on time to everything, but dinner was rushed. I was a bit upset by it, but didn't mention it.

We had good conversation on the way, and she mentioned talking with her GF about me, and even shared some pics of me with her that kinda embarass me. She told me her and GF agree I look great now I have lost weight, there were specifics comments as well. All good.

The dinner was great, and we were talking about the walls. Chinese resturant with oriental decor. We talked about our future new home and how we want to do the bedroom and master bath in an asian theme. The future talk was nice. Another note is that I have heard my W bring up our future talks with her friend once and a while too. Great signs.

The concert was great, and I even held her up to see the stage a few time (MS makes it hard for her to stand). We swayed to the sangs a few times, kissed a few time and had a blast.

Drive home was quiet. I was nervious because she said one of her GF was supposed to call after work (11:00). I of course thought the worse and worried about being ditched. I didn't say anything, but was quiet (tho I didn't have a lot to say anyway). Her GF never called (YEAH).

We relaxed at home, and shared ice cream on the couch (W fed me like she and I like to so). We went to bed and she snuggled up with me and was gently massaging me. SHe did get more intamate with her touches, but fell asleep on me before it went anywhere. I was a bit bothered by it, but fell asleep on my own not saying anything.

This morining, she got up to do some things and then came back to bed and snuggled again, only this time without her PJs. She didn't really initiate, but I gentely touched her for a long time but avoid certain areas. It developed from there into ML . It was wonderful. We were worn out afterward. So much so I had to take over making breakfast so my W could relax.

She did mention to me 2 things. She was hoping the touches wouldn't last so long, and that she gets really tired when we go that long. Not bragging, but because of her MS and loss of sensitivity I have had to learn and focus on going a long time. Now I almost go so long that she wears out. She gets to a point of several Os into a Constant Multiple O. She in fact asked me to hurry up and finish since it was taking so long. I was able then to do so after she told me she had been pleasured enough.

We have talked a bit over the last several days about our sexual relationship so that is good. I did tell her she can tell me to finish quicker once she has reached her point of satisfaction, so I hope she tells me more. Its good we are commicating about it more, plus the fact we are doing it again.

Later on in the day she has been nice and affectionate. Her kisses have been more passionate, (as I said I like it when we are). She is being responsive to what we discuss and I can tell its genuine.

Things keep going good, I just have to keep focused on the positive and not let the triggers get me down. I do hope to get to boundries at some point, but I still feels its too soon. She is going to start going to church with me for Lent (this is BIG for me) and I hope with that, the IC and MC, and our retrouvaille retreat that the boundries may develop on thier own. They may have even started as she has talked about meeting with more married couples or dating couples when going out. Its not soon enough for me, but I am going with it until after our retreat and Easter.

Thanks for the advice everyone, keep coming with the suggestions and support, its really helping me.