Things starting in right direction, NEED TIPS!

[cruiserrg]

Update:

Yesterday was very interesting to say the least and actually somewhat difficult.

First W, and I went to luch at a place a GF of hers works that I have never met but W has been spending a lot of time with. It was strange because we sat at the bar for our table and W had a beer at lunch and the 3 people at the bar my W met at another bar. It was kinda wierd because my W didn't introduce me for sometime and when she did she didn't mention I was her husband (I hate this). She was sharing pictures with them from the bar they met at, which of course I have never been since my W had gone alone.

During luch we sat in her GF booth amd we got to meet. W never really introduced me, so I introduced myself. Luch was good, and we actually met another waitress that has MS and was having a bad day. W and I spoke with her and listened to her troubles, and we exchanged numbers and said we would have to go out to dinner with her family sometime. It was good and even gave me a chance to help by saying if her H wanted to talk about her MS with me he could call. I think W may have liked it. Plus they are M and I feel its good for us to go out with M couples rather than all her new single friends.

Then my W GF got of work and they wanted to hang together. They were thinking of where to go, and I suggested hangin out at our house. I think W was suprised but jumped at the suggestion and they came back here for a bit. W showed her GF all the new stuff I got her for V-day which was nice.

Then they left and W said she would be back by 4:30 to go meet her other friend for dinner. Well W didn't get back here until 5:00 and kept me waiting, and her GF waiting at the place we were going to meet. I didn't really say much about it, but W made me call and talk with GF to tell her when we would be there.

Dinner was great with my W, her GF, and I. Her GF and I actually talked a ton about her difficulties with her boyfirend. She was describing classic WA syndrom and was already close to leaving. She asked me specifically how I dealt with all of our sitch and to give her insight into her own sitch. We talk a long time, with my W mainly listening and giving input a few times.

There was one point where her GF and I we talking and I was explaining the difficulties I had gone through and what it took to get back, and I was tearing up a bit and so was she. We seemed to have a really good conversation and connection going.

One other interesting thing was her GF mentioned something I said that sounded cold. She was reffering to how I explained that "I had to change myself to be a better person and husband, and concluded that my W was the only one wh could chose between being with the new me or seeing me share that with someone else." I said "I know I want to be married, and I need someone improtant in my life, but my W had to make the choice if she wanted it to be her or someone else". When the GF said that it sounded could I said I could understand that, but I guess its about my fears. My W and GF inquired more about my fear, and I said I don't know if you (W) want me to share or I feel comfortable. She asked for me to explain. I said my main fear right now is that I will go long enough without my needs being met by my W that I may be the one to give up and Walk Away. I said I fear that, but I hope that I will be able to talk with my W about it before I do. I said I don't think you understand this (directed at my W).

There was a lot of conversation about both the GFs and My sitch. It was sureal because it was like we were having the conversation and my W was listening in as a third party hearing some of my deepest feelings and advice I would give people here, and how I worked hard to change myself and how I fought for my M. It felt good to talk about, but I was uneasy with my W hearing all of it.

The other really strange thing that night was my W guy F stopped in (he's the one she stayed with while sep). He came over and sat down and we all introduced ourselves. He needed to talk with me and explain some things (I think just to make himself feel better about the whole thing). I did thank him for giving my W somewhere to stay (Man this was hard). He said he wanted to get together with me and just talk, maybe go out and have a few drinks. I said yeah we could do that and to give me a call. I think it was good, but it just was a bit unsettling to me. I do want to talk with him one on one. Not to be mean or anything, but maybe to get insight into what was going on. We'll see how that goes.

Later in the night I brushed the snow off my W's and GF cars, and even checked out her GF car for her (had been running rough earlier). Warmed them up in the WI snowfall while my W and her talked more in the resturant.

W and I then went shopping and had a good time there. When we got home W and I talked a bit about the conversation and W opened up to me a lot. She said she was scared to. I assured her together we could work this out and she agreed. She did say at one point that "I don't love myself, and there I said it". I gave her a hug, and when we went inside I hugged her again and she cried on my shoulder. I told her how much I loved her, and hoped it would be enough to help her love herself more.

I am not sure exactly what to make of the whole night. I know I have been uneasy and emotionally drained ever since. Plus it didn't help my W said a thing or too that were triggers to some pain. My W easily saw this, and inquired about what was wrong and even helped me by hugging me.

We are becoming more and more open, I just worry about how the conversation and things that happened last night will affect her and me. I mean, the things her GF was wanting her BF to do were the exact things I look for and need. I was almost angry because I give my W an abundance of those needs, and she doesn't respond. Almost makes me wish I was M to her GF and not my W. I know this is temporary as my W (hopefully) will be reciprocating more of what I need, but things like this make this struggle even more confussing.

Any help, advice or analysis would be great. I practically opened up everything I had inside last night to her GF and my W heard most of it. My W did comment about how she liked to listen to me talk about it, but I still am nervious about what she really thinks and feels.