So, H is in the distance mode again, although we chatted about how his work with his therapist is going. H spent all his life making the peace, doing things he didn't necessarily want on order to avoid the conflict. Stems from his childhood when parents catered to older brother and said "H do this" so brother is happy.

Now he is physically sick all the time just from having to tell people no, it makes him ill. Insomnia, upset stomach etc. But we knew this already for a while. That he had trouble pleasing himself.

He just canceled an activity with me tomorrow to do something else so I asked if I was being blown off. He said no, which then opened our discussion about saying no and people being hurt etc.

I said I would rather know the truth than be lied to and there is a difference between explaining why you say no (a short one) and explanation as acceptance by another or validation.

I think I am on the way to losing H for a while, maybe for always. This is a tough path and I can't imagine walking it with people who knew you as you were. It has to be easier to be the new you with someone new...yes?

How does one begin to separate the construct of who you are versus the parts that are wholly you? Wrapping my mind around this is almost impossible for me.

I think H has begun to pull away to heal and become who he has to. While I am happy, can I be sad he is not with me? Yes, it's valid. lol. Answering my own questions.

Oh, this is hard to practice the letting go and the unconditional acceptance of this. While my mind knows this is absolutely what another human being needs to do, my heart is selfishly saying "no", because I know he leans on me and that is the bond.

I also start to think about whether or not H will be the partner I need. I am a pretty strong person, so my partner would have to stand with me and have enough strength to stand against me when necessary. Not sure H could ever do that no matter how much I love him. I would be afraid of falling into my old habits and patterns. And I guess he may feel the same.

Thoughts? Will call for my coaching session soon smile Needed right now, I think.