DB seemingly backfired w/ my H???

[swoop]

Not much to add right now, Mimi....other than I hope you are working on expressing his love language.

[Mimi00]

Not much to add right now, Mimi....other than I hope you are working on expressing his love language.

Hi SP. I don't really know how I can express his love languages from a distance with out it coming of as pursuing??? Physical Touch I can't do from where I am, but words of affirmation---we don't talk often, when we do he talks about work... I say how smart he is when I can, but that's really it. Do you have any suggestions?


I was killing time on instagram and a new picture posted today by H popped up. I already assumed he posts all these great pictures of "wonderland" on purpose in the attempt to get someone to visit him. Well it seems to have worked, a woman from his home town, who I know he recently started talking to by phone(I snooped a few times last month, don't judge me ), commented on how beautiful it looked, and that she's ready to visit.

That hurts.
I don't know how those who are dealing with affairs do it. Must take a very strong person to continue to fight.
Right now I'd like to draw up some papers myself and just be done with everything.
Why continue to hold someone in your heart who doesn't want you anymore? That's how I feel right now.

[MrCAS]

Dealing with an affair is hard. My W is off living with OM. What kept me from going insane was realizing that I had nothing to say about it, that it was totally out of my control, and the fault for it is hers to bear.

I will tell you the same thing I tell everyone else... STAY OFF OF FACEBOOK. You will gain nothing from being on there. You can block your H's newsfeed. You can set your security settings.

"Why continue to hold someone in your heart who doesn't want you anymore?" There is no right or wrong answer to this. It is a question that many of us have asked ourselves. Only you will know what the answer to that question is.

[swoop]

I agree soooo much with what CAS says. Since I have stopped snooping on Facebook, my world has become so much better. That saying, ignorance is bliss?....ya, that's a real thing! Block yourself from the damage. It really helps.

As far as expressing love language, I struggled very hard with that as well. I tried to compliment my W in every interaction. It is best to have it directed specifically. For example, don't just say "you look nice". Say something like, "you look nice in that shirt. I like the color on you". If you think about compliments, it is really easy to come up with a million. I am going to be honest. I didn't do well with it, and eventually just gave up. I tried yesterday to express her language. I told my wife she looked nice, then backed it up by saying she was tan and healthy looking. She laughed and said that was an odd thing to say....so she just got her last compliment. OM can be her source from now on. I hope they are happy together. I know eventually, I will be!

[Mimi00]

Thanks MrCAS and Suckerpunch for your responses.

The apartment called to check on my progress, I didn't answer. I called H one more time (even though I said I wouldn't), he didn't answer, I left a message saying that I just called to tell him I'm leaving tomorrow.

I called the apartment back and told them things are taking longer than I thought, the letter won't work, so I am still waiting for my husband to send me the info. She stated she wants the application notarized as well.......sigh.

They probably think I'm making H up in my mind, b/c this is so ridiculous lol. About 15 mins later H called me back asking what things did I need again. I told him the docs will now need to be notarized. He asked if I wanted him to notarize it where he is, I told him if it's not too much of a hassle. He was at work so he asked his co-workers around him where to get it done as and they responded. So he said to send him all of the info and he'll get it done and back to me tomorrow.

So again I wait.

I leave tomorrow at 6:00 am and will get to my destination at noon. No place to stay of my own, I guess I should book a hotel now. Hopefully H follows through this time, because I am taking my dog with me (It would kill me to leave my dog behind, at least I'll have "someone" w/ me if I take him).

I'm tempted to go dark on H. I'm so tired of the way I feel....to the point that I don't care if it shows him "more of the same" (I used to shut down/go silent when hurt)....now I know why I protected my self in that way b/c having your heart broken and being rejected [censored]. So I'm thinking of just letting go..........not much can be done w/ him living out of state, us rarely talking and me not pursuing through calls/texts. So, what more is there really?

I believe I have a little over 100 posts in this thread, so after my move, I hope to start a new thread. Thanks to everyone who has helped me thus far, you've all been such a help. I hope you'll continue to help me preserve my sanity in my new thread as well

[hotwheelsaust]

Hugs and best wishes for this problem to be sorted out in the best way possible for you Mimi.

[chl0901]

Best of luck with your move, Mimi!

[Mimi00]

Thanks for the well wishes hotwheelsaust and chl0!
My new thread link http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2377329#Post2377329

[MrCAS]

So, how did it all go? Curious and caring minds need to know!

[Mimi00]

So, how did it all go? Curious and caring minds need to know!

Hi MrCAS! Hope you are well. I am just seeing your response there, there's an update in my new thread; hope this link works
Taking a Stand; What's my Position?