I am a Newcomer.

[SoLostandAlone]

Hello All. I am a Newcomer. I don't know when anyone will see my post. I hope it's not too long. It looks like there is a huge amount of support here.

My H told me near the big inning of July that he does not love me anymore, doesn't know the last time he did, and doesn't think he ever can again. No ILYBIANILWYA. He got a new job last October that takes him on the road a lot. While I don't think he has met anyone outside of our state, I do think he has met someone at work. I saw one text from "Angel" that said "I love you." That is all the evidence I've seen. I managed to get a number out of him and it belongs to a married girl he works with. I haven't gotten any farther than that. His cell is his work phone, he put a lock on it and I can't do any snooping - which I've read here is probably a good thing. It'll only make things worse.

Our 10th anniversary would be 10/27. I'm sure we won't see that. He is meeting with a lawyer for a "consultation" so he knows what to expect from our upcoming D. It's his second marriage and my first. I don't know when he will be able to file b/c of money, but his Dad seems to have it whenever he wants it. He lives with us too. We are also in the process of filing for our second bankruptcy.

I have 3 SC's whom I love with all my heart. They call me "Mom" and their own has chosen never to come around.

I work from home and have for about 3 years now. I have about 2 friends here who are OUR friends. They wish this wasn't happening too, but we all no no one can help us but ourselves at this point.

I just found out today that with the bankruptcy, we can actually stay in the house that will be foreclosed on for typically 9-12 months before we get kicked out. We just moved into this nice newer house in May. It was nice of him to include me in this monstrous debt of a house. It used to be his mom's house and we lived in a smaller house a few blocks away that his mom owns and rented from her. He plans on moving out of this house the second week of September and going back to rent our old house. The current plan is for me to leave the middle to end of October after our bankruptcy hearing. I have no idea about the legal Divorce timeline as neither of us can afford a divorce lawyer right now. So I guess there is no telling when or how that will come until one of us (him) has the money to initiate it - like I mentioned earlier, he is usually able to get money from his dad when he wants or needs it bad enough. So at this time I'm planning on moving to my sister's - 1300 miles away - after the bankruptcy hearing. She is going to come up and help me pack a moving truck and drive. (He already has most of the money I need for the moving truck - I can get it from him "whenever I need it".)
There are other small details. I guess I will post this for now as I'm leaving for a school orientation. Hopefully someone can see it soon. The shock hasn't worn off yet. I'm completely devastated. My best friend is bailing on me and refuses to allow me time to go to counseling for depression (which he also has) and work on myself or try any kind of marriage counseling. There have also been intimacy issues (on my end) for most of our marriage. So while I knew there were issues that needed work, this came as a big surprise and a giant slap in the face. My sister is doing all she can to help me through this, but I remain - for the most part - lost and alone.