Ahhhhh.Scream....this pain is too much. Yet, I deserve it. I did this to myself not my wife; not this scumbag. I just want to die at this point. Ahhhhh....My life [censored]. I wish I could go back and redo everything. When I had the chance, I should have loved my wife, cherished her, treated her like the beautiful princess she is. I can't handle this. How can I compare to this scumbag. I was the mental abuser. I was the neglecter. $%#@ my MBA. I quit. I cannot endure this. I love my wife so much but I am weak. I am not strong. I am trying to fight for my marriage but I feel like my efforts are futile. I feel so needy right now. So empty. Family is all that matters. No work, school or anything else. My wife doesn't care about me anymore. She doesn't love me anymore. Why would she. All she sees in me is a letdown. Someone who can't be trusted. I am the worse of all sinners. I can't function at work, I can't keep focus. My world is crashing. And it is all my fault. #$% you lovenomatterwhat. Ahh...I feel so defeated. Nothing I do numbs the pain. The thought of her with someone else is digusting. Why....I know the answer why. It's because I screwed up my marriage. I screwed up my life. I know there is hope. I know that with God all things are possible. This seems like an impossible matter. I don't know if I can go on for several more months like this. Every Tuesday and Thursday is when she goes sees this scumbag for several hours in the evening. We should be spending that time together as a family, as husband and wife. Not with this scumbag. Is there a rope. Is there a gun. can someone put this dog out of his misery.
