Last night was very interesting. My W went out to be with an old friend and said she would let me know the plans, and call to let me know about dinner. Well again she didn't call.
I left her a message around dinner time and asked her to call me when she got it so I knew if I should eat alone. After about a 1/2 hr, I made dinner myself. I agian made what we talked about making together rather than a bachelor meal. I sat down again to eat alone.
Well as I was cleaning up and just about to put the leftovers away my W came home. She said it smelled so good when she walked in, and I heated up a plate for her. I sat and talked to her while she ate. I told her I wished she would have called me.
She then went on to tell me her friend didn't get back to her until late, and that she was hanging out in the bar waiting for her call. She again said she got drunk, and that she was talking to other bar partons she knew. She said she felt emberassed to call me. And said she stopped by a guy friends place to watch movies.
I said I wish you would have called me to let me know what was up because I worry when she doesn't. She said she didn't because she didn't want to worry me. I said I am going to worry whether you call or you don't, so its better to call. She agreed, and said at least I am telling you now. I said I did appreciate her opening up.
She said there is nothing to worry about. I said well tell me this, what would be your reaction if I told you I was out in the afternoon, got drunk, and forgot our date like you did on Friday, and now hear about you getting drunk and forgetting to call me. She said "I would think you have a drinking problem, or that I wasn't important to you." I said yes you are right I think both of those things. She told me both are not true, she doesn't have a drinking problem and she thinks I am important. I said well what do you think the problem is then. She said she doesn't know. She said that well I guess now you will tell everything in MC tomorrow (she said this like a kid would say about someone taddling). I said well I think you need to work through it and maybe you could talk with your C individually tomorrow about it. She said she would think about it.
I then probably went a bit far and told her that her not calling is not helping me trust her. She said "oh great". I reasurred her that I trusted her a lot more than when she was not living here, and she is doing things that help my trust like telling me about what she did during the day. I said but I feel when you don't call that the gains you make in trust with me are taken back by you not calling or standing me up. I said I feel that you would want me to trust you. She said she did. I said I have no control over my trust for you, I would fix it or work on it myself, but I can't. She acknowledged that she has to gain my trust again.
The conversation was calm. While eating I had all of her attention, and when we were talking while doing things she assured me several times that she is listening. These are very good things and I can tell our communication is getting better.
We relaxed and watched some TV, and even flirted a bit and reminiced about how much fun we had V-day. Then we went to bed and my W snuggled up to me and even took my suggestion of sleep near nothing on to help her not get so hot (her MS troubles her in bed when she gets to hot) this was a nice bonus.
This morning was nice as well, she made me breakfast, talked about plans for today, and what we would do together tonight. Even to get her a new bra as her favorite was getting old. She even agreed to my suggestion of a trip to VS and to pick up a new sexy for her to wear.
What really amaxed me the most is our discussion on the drinking. It seems whenever she lets me down as they say, she acknowledges it owns up to it, and even says it makes her feel bad. I don't even really say things to make her feel this way other than sharing my feelings.
I think the guilt of her actions is setting in on her, and is struggling with also her desire to open up to me. I feel she has been hiding this for a while, and maybe even lead to the seperation. I worry the alcohol has a hold on her. I also get the sense of her opening up about it may even be a way to ask for help. She denies there is a problem, and I didn't even ask about it. She brought it up when I asked how she felt if the roles were reversed. I think this is a major step, and hopefully will work to were she owns up to it and maybe even asks me for help.
I am going to pray for God to help her find the courage to ask for help with her temptations. Any prayers from all of you would be appreciated.
Any thoughts on this from others dealing with a spouse you suspected or comfirmed had a drinking problem? What was there way they asked for help or sought it out? Our friendship and relationship are good when we are together, even better than it has been for a long time. Its just when she is away and when I believe she is drinking that she slips away from the R. Advise from all of you would be great.
God Bless You,
Reuben
Cautiously hopeful and keeping the Momentum
I said I am going to worry whether you call or you don't, so its better to call. She agreed, and said at least I am telling you now. I said I did appreciate her opening up.
