First of all, I apologize for my last rant. My W perfect facade is crumbling in my mind. The pedestal I had her on is shrinking the more actions I see her take.
I went to see my psych this AM. I have weened myself off all anxiety meds.
The mental health professionals all say ive done an amazing job. They say I should be a "role model" for others to follow.
I get frustrated and beat the snot out of myself because I think my evolution should be faster. Everyone has their own journey and im becoming impatient with my results.
Then it happened. I got the "dope slap" The Dr. looked back one year - to the week. 60 lbs heavier, higher dosages of meds, BP high, talking about all my anxiety, how I hated my job, how I was so bored and was stressed out and miserable hyper-focusing on obtaining the certification.
She actually asked me one year ago "What about your life makes you happy?" My response......."I dont know"
"I DONT KNOW" WTF! No mention of D3, or my wife, or my friends, or all the money we had back then, or the trips wed take, or the "trappings of success".
What a difference a year makes.I will NEVER go back to that. I still have MANY changes to make but im an exponentially stronger person who is so much better equipped.
My problem was that I was using the return of my W, the rebuild of our marriage as my subliminal success measure - I cant do that.
I have my goals laid out and have nailed every one. That is all I can do.
W and I communicate now only in regards to co-parenting and property management. Ive realized that we both go on the defensive when the other makes an attempt at communicating to the other. Love will NEVER have a chance to happen like this.
This "GIFT OF TIME" has been heavily used. I just wish id have the OPPORTUNITY to bust out my 180 moves.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
