Thanks Urworthy! So far so good:) We actually made it through the move process and are doing well. We didn't have any major blowouts from he stress which was a great thing. We are just now settling in and all is good except one thing. Hopefully some of you who have been through this can give me some advice. For the first time tonight sex got brought up again. It's been just over 2 months since we began the piecing process and haven't had sex yet. My W is not big in physical touch to begin with. Not big into kissing and foreplay which is very tough for me since my main Ll is physical touch. I'm not sure how to even begin getting there because its not like I can work my way up there since she isn't in big into physical touch. I even told this to her tonight. Here's what happened: We were out to dinner with a couple friend of ours, actually the couple W met through OM. We group text each other things a lot of times. When we got home the husband jokingly said, "enjoy the sexy time in the new place" After a few minutes I actually turned to to wife and said, "when are we going to have sexy time. I really don't know how to even begin since you aren't that into physical touch" She responded by saying, "I don't know. It's just really awkward." Which I agreed it seems awkward as well. Why does it seem so awkward? Any advice on how to get through this? I feel like we just need to "pull the bandaid" I have definitely been very patient about this and haven't even brought it up in a few weeks.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Thanks Urworthy. I'm really trying my hardest to be patient about this. I start taking it personal. I know it's "mind reading" and stinkin thinking, but its hard not to think its not me. I just think back to last year when out sex life became almost non existent and then she had a 6 month rendezvous with another guy that I know was hot and heavy based on things I've seen. Now back to us working on it for a couple months and no sex like last year. Just very tough and it showed today. I lost my temper for the first time in a long time. It felt awful, I was so upset at myself for losing my temper. She just keeps saying its awkward, but says she doesn't know why it's awkward. That's so annoying to me. You have to be thinking something! In the end i told her we need to figure out this intimacy issue because I will not live in a sexless marriage. Especially with a woman who still drives me crazy everytime she walks in the room:) My W is extremely attractive. She is the woman that everyone turns around and looks at when she walks in, even other women. Lol Just trying to hang in there with this issue. I have left 2 messages for therapist I was referred to and he hasn't called yet. We need to be back in MC ASAP and I am trying to do that
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Also one other thing that got brought up today. Any advice on this from someone who has been through this would be appreciated. As I've talked about before the W made some friends here in atlanta through OM. W and her have become pretty close. We even hung out with them again Saturday afrternoon and evening. Another couple was there that is also fiends with OM. His name would come up here and there, but it really didn't bother me. One of the things that is bothering me is that W is still friends with OM's mom and brother on facebook. She says this isn't a big deal. To me I just don't see the point. Everything I have read has said complete contact with OM needs to be cut off. This doesn't seem like that is happening. I'm waiting to therapy to bring this up with W anymore. Am I making too big a deal out of this?
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Hi ctbdad, I’ve been on a long journey, with the no sex for me and rampant sex when she was with OM, only my journey has landed me in the big D section as she never fully came back to me although I really tried hard to make it work.
Regarding breaking contact with OM, even if they say they have broken contact he’s still there in the back of their minds, he is plan b if this piecing doesn’t work, just as you were plan b when she took flight with OM. All you can do is not stress over things like FB and let her decide if she wants to unfriend people. If you push, you push them away.
At the moment she is subconsciously watching you and what she can see is someone stressing over the M and stressing over the no sex , she won’t see that as an attractive proposition.
What you need to do with W is become her friend, then her friend who she can have fun with, then her fun friend she can ML with, finally her husband.
It's been just over 2 months since we began the piecing process and haven't had sex yet.
Are you going to MC? I think this is something you really should tackle ASAP (with professional help), because you're setting yourself up to be in a sexless marriage. Your W isn't going to just suddenly decide one day that she's ready, just like the piecing process rebuilding the intimacy is going to take a lot of hard work.
We just started with our new MC today in Atlanta. Thankfully we both liked him. He met with us together today. Then he will meet with me on Tuesday by myself, wife on Wed by herself then the two of us together the following week. After that we will begin what's called couples EFT therapy. I brought up the sex thing today and he said that it is usual for couples going through this to find it awkward at first. Kind of need to lead up to it. Problem is wife isnt big on physical touch. She likes sex, just not foreplay, kissing, etc I have told wife that i will not live in a sexless marriage. I can't. I have a high sex drive to begin with. This is something that will definitely be tackled in the next couple weeks with MC
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
We just started with our new MC today in Atlanta. Thankfully we both liked him.
Perfect!
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Problem is wife isnt big on physical touch. She likes sex, just not foreplay, kissing, etc
I hear you, my W was (still is I guess, I wouldn't know anymore, LOL!) like that too. She didn't want to waste time on the pre-game, just jump right to it. Right now it sounds like the two of you are not on the same page, hopefully the MC can help you through that.
