I agree with LTH. It's going to take a long time to get to a point where H believes your changes are real...and what you show him is going to matter more than what you tell him. I think it was at least 6 months before my W started believing my changes...and we were still living together, seeing each other every day. It's going to take time.
Try to drop the expectations...that doesn't help. Don't be nice because you expect it to change things...be nice because that's who you are.
Check out the 37 rules again....sounds like you are pursuing quite a bit, and while I don't think you have to stop it completely, I do think you need to back it down a bit. Let him have some space while you dig into YOU.
