Thanks Rick...Unfortunately it's not the kind of normal we want to live with daily. Now that it's here we are forced to live with this new normal. It's only 3 and a half months and I gotta tell you I'm damn tired of it already....I think the biggest thing that has been on my mind of late also is being in "limbo". I have always been a "git r done" kind of guy and nothing in front of us here is close to that.
Hi 2old. I am still new to all of this. I did notice that there is a direct correlation between me cycling down and me focusing on WAS rather than myself. Its early so I don't know if i am being clear on that. I mean every time I stop focusing on myself, my kids, and my GALing and instead focus on WAW I begin to feel down. just my newbie thoughts. So, keep your head up, focus on you, and know we all will be here with you in your journey.
I know! everything is a fire to me and I just have to watch it burn
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I forgot the act "as if" as well. Thanks for reminding me of that one
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Hello Cadet, glad to see you comment....So, with everything you see here, my WAW is definately following the same script as most all others going through this? I would like to ask though, if my W is saying things like if u can live a year without someone then you can live the rest of your life without them and who knows what the future holds, this is script for the most part also?
I agree with Rick, you've got to quit trying to mind-read your W and interpret everything she says. Imagine her mind right now is a raging storm. If you go in there, there's insanely high winds, stuff flying around all over the place, water obscuring your vision, noise so loud you can't hear yourself think. It's confusing and it's scary. That IS what's going on, you may see a calm, collected facade on the outside, but inside that storm is raging. THAT is why you're not supposed to believe anything they say, because what they say is just stuff flying out of the storm when they open their mouth. It's not a reflection of the "real" them, it's a reflection of their confused state.
All "script" means is she will say and do things similar to other WAS's. It doesn't mean there's a roadmap you can pin on the wall to see where she is on the timeline. You can't. Each WAS is unique and each travels their own path. She may want to reconcile in a week, a year, 5 years, or never. You can't and won't know until it happens. That's why DB'ing focuses on YOU, because that is all you have control over. Work on yourself, tranform yourself into the spouse only a fool would leave, and give her time and space to settle the storm.
I think the biggest thing that has been on my mind of late also is being in "limbo".
There is nothing about standing or DB'ing that has anything to do with being in limbo. Live your life WITHOUT your W. SHOW her you are going to enjoy your life whether she's a part of it or not. KEEP MOVING FORWARD.
Very well said AnotherStander, very well said.... I am obviously working through my issues in this sitch and at this particular time having a tuff time doing so. Just when I think things are going somewhat well, my own storm starts raging AGAIN. I used to be confident and never relied on anyone except for myself. I am trying really hard to get that back. But, after 12 years with someone you thought you knew.....I know what I need to be doing here thanks to all the excellent people on these boards. I have been using this to expose my weakness(s) instead of showing them to my WAW. Yes, I slipped a couple of times with her but not to a big extent. Remember, her and I have only been emailing no phone convo's or in face meetings. Truth is she knows I care and even though she is in this thing of hers fog, storm etc. I believe she to has some feelings. Yes, obviously she has walked from our marriage but like you said anotherstanding, this is not a true reflection of who she was or really is. I think the real problem is no matter how long I stay quiet towards her (which I have basically been doing) she is going to know I still care about her. She may not feel the exact same way but, I know she cares at least somewhat. So maybe, this is where everyone says it takes time and very possibly lots of it. This is why I have been so curious about the script that Cadet has made me aware of. So now I am completely convinced she is indeed scripting like so many others. It's just good to know where things are currently when you able to do so. Even so, one must continue GALing, 180 etc....
Good for you 2old I like the comparison between a storm and the WAS's mind at the moment. Is this all WAS's or just some of them? I'm having a very confusing time with my H at the mo, I just want things to be normal!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Hi Trying, AnotherStander and Cadet have both talked about storms raging with most all WAS's. Makes alot of sense to me. The more confusion they express the more the storms are raging within them. And that is precisely where my sitch is at the moment. How about with your H?
I don't feel he has a storm raging but then again I can't see inside his head so I don't really know (and I wouldn't want to either, lol). His actions confuse me as he's always acts like I'm his best friend when he's around me and we were laughing and joking with each other in the car today. That's what is so confusing, I wish sometimes he wouldn't offer me a lift to where I need to go. When he was round this morning I tried to act "as if" and told him some of my future plans that didn't involve him. I put all this on my thread if you want to have a look here - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...958#Post2375958
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
