-- How do I approach things with friends or people that ask about her behavior? Despite her apparent need to blow me and some of our friends off to go out drinking with whoever, she still is close with our friends and they are concerned about her and ask me about it. So far, depending on who it is, I've either said that I don't understand it or that they should ask her directly about it but I haven't gotten into too much detail beyond that.
I assume they know your sitch, and if so then it's fine to tell them that you have no insight and you're giving her time and space to sort things through herself, and that you recommend they do the same. Discourage them from trying to intervene, when friends and family intervene the WAS ALWAYS blames the LBS for "ganging everyone up" against them. Whether it's true or not doesn't matter, it's all about perception.
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-- Our anniversary is coming up the middle of next month. Part of me feels like trying to get us to go somewhere for the weekend, away from the distractions back home.
Sounds like pursuit/ pressure to me. My W and I had an anniversary a few months after BD. I told her it didn't seem appropriate to "celebrate" but that I thought we should do something just to acknowledge the date, so we agreed to go out to dinner. Keep it low key/ informal. No gifts.
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That's not to say they won't be there still when we get back but potentially make it an opportunity for us to re-focus
You've got to quit looking at everything as an opportunity to reconcile. Your W isn't there right now, and the more you push the farther away she'll move.
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I'm tired of putting her on the defensive because that is then her flipping the behavior back on me.
Cheeseless tunnel. Don't set up camps on front of cheeseless tunnels. As soon as you identify it's cheeseless, move on.
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To date, she's resisted going to marriage counseling or talking to someone with me about our situation.
Of course she has, she's a WAS. That's what YOU want, not HER. You need to quit pushing your agenda on her. Back off, give her time and space.
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I know there is a school of thought that if she's so detached at this point, MC might not be the best place for us right now. Is there another way to spin it to try and get her to go? At this stage, is it beneficial at all?
MC NEVER works with a WAS that's one or both feet out the door. They just use it to justify why they're leaving, and so they can check it off their list of "things I tried that still showed our M is dead".
