We started to argue about this and in short our arguments got pretty nasty. She wanted me to spend more time with her and with our daughter.
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As we were fighting, she would tell our daughter that I was a family neglecter and a deadbeat dad. I in turn got ticked and would call her the b-word, etc.
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Things got so bad that at one point I told her that I wish she would just die so that I could have some peace.
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I told her she wouldn’t be able to make it and that hurt her a lot because growing up her family told her similar things.
OK, you really need to take a step back and read what you wrote in your OP. The above is full-blown emotional/ mental abuse. You have been severely abusing your W. You really need to understand just how damaging your behavior has been, because now you're pitching an absolute hissy fit that you've been DB'ing briefly and you're not getting your way. Do you really expect to heap months (years?) of abuse on your W and then expect her to come running back into your arms after you've "changed" for a few months? You're being unrealistic. You've got to learn to shut up, back off and give her time and space. OWN what you did. UNDERSTAND that she needs a LOT of time to forgive you and get past it. Stick to your changes for good this time, DO NOT backslide or you will lose her forever. She has given you some very positive indications, but if you start the abuse again I don't think she'll ever be able to trust you again. So make your changes permanent, and give her time to appreciate that you've changed for good.
As for the OM, he's a symptom, not the cause. Your behavior is what caused your current sitch. DO NOT confront or pressure your W about OM, you're already on very thin ice. It sounds like she's still invested in making the M work, so just give her time and hopefully she will sort things out. Make yourself the better option, the spouse only a fool would leave.
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I did my 180s so fast that my wife thought I was being fake.
This is normal. It takes many months (sometimes years) before a WAS will start believing the changes are real and not just tricks to get them back.
Also, quit snooping. If you keep it up your W will catch you and she will be very angry. And she will go deeper into hiding with her activities.
