Yep, labug - I think you're right.

I am still conflicted, thinking about the sweet guy i thought i knew. It's unfathomable that he would behave this way.

But that man is gone.

And there is no possibility of a family relationship with the person he's become.
He is lost/ill.

I have taken to thought-blocking when it comes to him, just to get through the day lately. I find his behaviour so off-putting.

And as everyone (including S14) keeps saying to me: It's been 2 years now; when are you going to realise it's over.

I kept waiting for it to feel real, but it never does.

Now I'm just trying to train myself to stop any thoughts of him.
I need to make him gone from my life.