I've been doing my 180s and GALs, and have seen some small improvements in H and my interactions since I started in the end of June.
Good job on the 180's and GAL, but it's way too soon to expect an improvement in your sitch. You've got to dig down and find patience like you've never had before! It takes many months of doing 180's before a WAS starts to believe the changes may be real, and it may be many more months (if ever) before they respond to those changes. Do it for you, because if you're doing it expecting a quick change in your H then you won't be able to sustain it.
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I snooped about a month ago, and saw how much H and OW were talking, meeting up for lunch, day dates, etc. which really upset me and consumed my thoughts most of the time. Since I stopped snooping (after that), I am doing a lot better as far as not being overwhelmed with jealousy and thoughts of OW and my H
It sounds like a very active EA. Some people get consumed with needing to know if it's a PA, but frankly an EA is just as damaging as a PA. Sometimes it's even more damaging, because it feeds a fantasy that a PA cannot. I guess the point I'm making is you don't need to snoop, you already know he's actively involved in an EA and that is as bad as it gets.
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I guess I'm just afraid that if I never bring it up and H and I keep moving along and get past this, that he will think it's okay to do this again (EA or PA) in the future since there have been no consequences this time.
That's where boundaries come in. If and when you reconcile, you make it clear to him that he must honor your boundaries for R to happen. Examples of boundaries are things like discontinuing all contact with OP, must call or send a message to OP telling them it's over with you as a witness, must give you full access to phone and email in the future, must agree to attend MC, etc. Boundaries must also have consequences, you have to establish what the penalty is if he doesn't comply with the boundary.
Please note that if your H is a WAH and is one foot out the door, you're not in a position to set boundaries like the above, it'll just drive him away. These are for the time when he expresses interest in reconciling should that happen.
