Good Old England

[MrBond]

"I understand what you are all trying to tell me,"

No you don't or else you wouldn't be insulting us.

"but either I'm not precise enough, or something because I don't deliver the right message."

No you were very clear. You believe your W is emotionally unstable.

"Anyway, for the doctor thing, it's her doctor in France which is also mine, who wrote a testimony letter because i asked since she knows her and me."

Funny how you never mentioned a doctor until now. And if the doctor were real, you'd be lucky if the judge didn't take the testimony and laugh in your face about it. Especially if, as you infer, the doctor believes your W to be "emotionally" unstable. That's not even a medical term. Therefore, I believe he's made up.

"Now it doesn't say W is unfit, but it's a bad trait that should play against W."

Ah yes, the caring H who is painting his W as crazy. That will definitely make your case for more time with your son.

"For the payments, they continue without an end date. I wish it was only 4 months!"

Yes we all know how much you didn't want to support your W and son.

"And my parents would come if I obtain 50% of my son."

Really? If your parents were real, they'd be there now and not just wait for a court order.

"And they'all keep him for free."

To you. that's not to say that they wouldn't charge your W just like your IL are charging you. Don't bother trying to twist the story around. We can all see it.

"All the rest is true and I can see my weaknesses and where I didn't act so noble."

Except when you're on here and you insult my posts. Strangely you don't criticize the women's posts. Or do you consider them emotionally unstable as well?

"It just doesn't happen in one day."

From what I recall, you've been saying you would change 9 months ago. Haven't seen any change yet. Have other posters?

[25yearsmlc]

well, to be fair,

he learned to change a diaper. And he has spent time with his son, without hired help or his wife right there to help.

[KenF]

Bruce
we have told you many times what you have to do.

But you ignore it, most likely because you dont want to put in the effort. you want a quick answer to get what you want.

Fatherhood is not about getting what you want, its about giving what your son needs.

you claim you want a second chance, without realizing you are living your second chance now. and frankly, not doing a very good job of it.

stop whining and man up. you made a mess of your family, your own choices are what caused this problem. be happy you get your son 10% of the time because what you've done so far doesnt deserve any more time. you havent earned it yet. and you dont get it for free.

there is no answer on how to magically get 50% of yours son's time. Except to do what all of us have already told you and what you've repeatedly refused to accept.

Admit your role in this situation and accept the consequences like a man, instead of the spoiled petulant child you are now.

Do the work.

Stop blaming everyone else but yourself

Study and learn to become a real father

Put in the time and effort and stop trying to find a quick simple answer because none exists.

Stop changing your answers because you were caught, no one believes them and it makes you look weak and selfish.

Use your 10% wisely, because until you PROVE you deserve more you wont get more. And that does NOT mean being a weasel and trying to prove your x deserves less.

What your x does has no bearing on your ability to be a good father.

[Big Bruce]

Hi,
I prefer now to give it some time between interactions, I've noticed that in the spur of the moment or even a day or two after, the thoughts are a little irrational and exaggerated.

Anyway, W and I are reaching a property distribution.
Should I be more generous than the numbers and formula, or fight so I give the minimum possible (which is legal but appears as if I have no love).
Somehow, my guts tell me that the marriage is still salvageable. I don't know if it is the stupid hope of a left behind S, or a real thing.
But I'm doing all that you said,ie being a great father in the 10% time I have.


The next challenge, is asking for more time with my son. I have told my lawyer to hold on for the moment although we're ready to compel a pre-trial.
The reason being that the first time, after the interim order, things with W were worse than ever.
The other reason being that since we're talking property distribution, maybe W would open to talk about supports revision and child time share. Maybe.

Any experience to share with me? How to ask and appear?
Many thanks,
Bruce.

[KenF]

Bruce,
this is a tough time in your situation.

I think you need to ignore the feelings of salvaging the marriage for the time being.

What you agree to, whether the minimum or maximum, is up to everyone involved. This depends on how much you want to fight or whether to give in easily.

you will need to decide what is important to you. choose your battles wisely. make a list of everything and prioritize.

What i've learned is that you need to do what your conscience tells you, while you're in a neutral mood. Dont decide anything when overly angry or overly generous. Take your time before you agree to anything. Dont agree with the idea you just want to get this over with.

Your lawyer should guide you in your decisions, but you are in control. Listen to all of your lawyers suggestions, they're the professionals.


Keep in mind you will need to live with your decision long after the anger and disappointment has receded. Dont do anything you'll later regret. Treat her how you would like to be treated. Your son will eventually learn how you handled yourself.


as far as custody, now is the time to begin the discussions. propose a few different schedules, with reasoning for each decision, and allow her to respond. it will end up being a compromise between both of you.

[25yearsmlc]

I think the more you connect custody with money, the worse it is and the worse it appears.

I know, i know, you will claim "no relationship between the two" & i will refer you back to your words and how they sound to ME..
And then you will pretend that you were again(!!!) misunderstood.

Just fight for time with your son because that's supposed to be impotsnt to you.
It won't possibly make you look bad or selfish or manipulative ---

UNLESS

YOU KEEP CONNECTING the issue of how much time you want with your son, to what you'll pay her. They are supposed to be Unrelated issues! Accept that...

I'm Not suggesting you get him half time. But any dad who is satisfied with 10% time and thinks that will impress his ex wife, or look "generous", is not thinking straight. Wanting time with your son -- just for the sake of bonding with him (& not trying to LOOK GOOD) means something.

Be generous with the money, but "reasonably demanding", (& flexibke!) when it comes to being a present father in your only son's life.

That's my opinion.

[Big Bruce]

Little recap.
my layer vanished away.
so I took a senior associate at the firm. price of out of my means, but I'll pursue 50% time with my son with more chances.
For the moment all requests to meet her one on one had no response. I am proposing a meeting with layers now.
Next step I'll escalate it to court, hope I won't have to.

[Big Bruce]

Hi,
Just to journal.
Tomorrow, the new lawyer and I meet to launch the pre-trial.

My journey has been tough.
I learnt more in the past year than in the previous 30 years.
But I think I am seeing the end of the tunnel, I`m feel better.

She hasn't changed, still no contact, but that doesn`t bother me anymore. My Son means the world to me and that's all that counts.

He's my only friend, and if I have 50% time after the trial, that'll suffice to my happiness.

Bruce