She turned out to be unavailable (and I don' just mean for Saturday night).
Hmm, what was up with that do you suppose? Well, it's good you know this now.
Hopefully, you and your head ARE at peace. Sometimes it's exactly what I need too. I remember Heart2Heart telling us that she had to sit on the discomfort sofa to weed out the distractions and discomfort and mull before she moved on to less uncomfortable things. Since then, it's been my visual and it does work. 'Cause truthfully, for me, the truth often lies smack dab in the middle of my discomfort. Ugh.
Good luck!
Hugs- Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
My travels have taken me far enough afield that I was hearing radio stations from the state where P lives now. That was hard. And just the day before I had been feeling so over it. It's not at all linear.
One plus of my travels is that I got to meet up with the fun and lovely Needgrace. I'm counting that as a hot date, too.
In the interests of focusing on the positive, NG encouraged me to think about the ways I did better with P than in previous Rs. The ways I didn't are glaringly obvious to me. I'm having a hard time coming up with that other list right now. I'll keep thinking about it...
Just wanted to check up on you as well. I also deal with feelings of anger and resentment toward my P and it makes me very uncomfortable. But I think it's good to sit with it and let the feeling wash over you instead of trying to fight it and suppress negative emotions. Eventually the tide rolls back and the negative feelings have passed.
Indeed, I was EEing! Never too soon for a refresher... I was fairly nervous about my first time on Team. It was great and I'm relieved to be over that hump.
I got to meet Zig and another DBer whose screen name I don't know. Zig and I stayed an extra day so we could hang out. It was lovely. Even though she'd seen photos of me, she claimed to be shocked that I wasn't so "diesel" IRL. LOL
I had sent P a quick note, letting her know that it's fine if she wants to stay here in October when her daughter visits. It really does seem fine in the abstract, far away sense. I suspect that I have work to do for it to be fine in the right now in my face sense.
Just before the end of the month, my housemate started making noises about not having the money for rent. We chatted and it came out that she did have some funds, but she didn't want to blow them on living expenses, so of course I would function as her bank. Coming at me with that attitude of entitlement was like waving a red flag in front of a bull. Wow, did I have a lot of anger! No, that's really an understatement.
Actually, I think I did a good job of expressing my anger honestly and respectfully, as well as my needs in the situation. She did finally get around to asking me for some specific allowances (rather than just stating/demanding). When I said no (they would put me at financial risk), she just ignored me. Did I mention how angry I was about this? So, I started the eviction process. That motivated her. She should be completely moved out by tomorrow.
While I think I handled this housemate crap, and my anger, better than in the past, there's still room for improvement. I don't like how much energy I allowed the anger to sukk up. And when someone is in my house, messing with me in that way, I'm not yet able to sit with it. I'm all agitated and want it to be over ASAP.
So, I went into the workshop thinking that I could look into that extreme anger and the impending desire to be okay with P staying here even though she's likely in another R. Of course, other things came up instead. Interesting how that works.
I was staying with the woman who caused my extreme hormone smackdown. She's uninterested, in case I failed to mention it or anyone forgot. Fine. I made it clear, last time, that I'm fine with that and I want to be friends. Sure. But, there are ways that it reminds me of hanging out with P during the last year. On the one hand, this is not a huge deal. We can just be friends. I really enjoy her company. On the other hand, why am I hanging out in rejection land? A lot of what comes out of her mouth is awfully reminiscent of things P has said. Not sure I'm presenting her fairly when I talk about this. She really is impeccably kind and gracious. For me, it highlights where I may be hypersensitive and what my issues are. Staying with her definitely gives me an opportunity to address them. Still, I get the feeling that I should put more thought into it before my next visit to that area. I have another wonderful offer of a place to stay, but can't stand the thought of not staying with this friend. Hmmm...
Good news is that a friend here is giving me referrals for consulting jobs and I've had a couple phone calls out of the blue that might mean more of the same. Does wonders for my PMA and the money doesn't hurt either. It's really important to me to stay connected in that way in my field of interest. Haven't done much of that at all since P left and I'm not so good at marketing myself, so my friend's help has been greatly appreciated.
Okay, that's enough news for one night. Time to see what you all are up to...
