Thank you so much for your support. I'm really glad by the way that you are working on your R and healing! That is the best thing that can happen, I can only imagine how difficult it must be, but I believe that the reward makes any struggle worth it.
I'm working on myself every day and realize I have a lot of work ahead of me. I've grown a great deal since this all began, and like I said I did everything wrong, my focus and perspective were wrong as I was continuing to argue and focus on the pain rather than focus on healing and moving forward. I drove her away with the way I responded, but at the time I was in such shock and pain and didn't know anything about DR/DB.
I know I would never make those mistakes again and I'm grateful for the education this providing me as I will be a better person, husband, and lover. I'm sad though as I know that this would be great for my W if we had just tried, or if she even had the opportunity to see the changes I have made.
I struggle with it daily, some days are good but most lately have been bad as thoughts of her enter my mind.
I'll just keep moving forward and resist the urge I have today to call or write or do anything. I don't want to bother her, I want her to be happy. That said I would prefer the option of us. At this point it is just for growth and my focus must be on the future. Some days are easier, today is a day that I want to pick up the phone. Today is a day I want to tell her how wrong I was in how I handled this and how stupid all of this was. Today I just want to tell her just that and that I'm thankful for the love we had together and that I do love what we had and that she will always have a piece of my heart.
Sure I'd like to have something more. I'd like to explore to see if we could be friends again, to see if that could grow if we could love each other, trust each other, and be in love with each other again.
together 7+yrs Married 3 Me 33 W 33 no kids BD 9/12 MC 9/12 W leaves MC 10/12 W moves out 11/12 Divorce 2/13 W moves 5/13 NC 05/13 D final 8/13
