I love the forums here and read people's stories for hope and ideas. A few people have mentioned that they've read the books recommended here--I've read Divorce Remedy twice and gave it to my husband to read and asked, as a last favor, that he read the first two chapters, which is up to about 80 pages, and he said he would.
I just feel pretty helpless/hopeless about the whole thing. OK, I know, but I went to a psychic yesterday and she said that she saw a rip between us and that I was meant to have children and he wasn't. For the record, I don't usually do this. I just, well, this has been so damned painful, I've been asking for help in every way possible. I'm trying to GAL, and I can do the LT but I don't know if that will actually do anything. I don't know all of his reasons for ending the R, and he says ''I tried" but if I didn't get a chance to try, is that trying? We moved in together almost immediately, and had been living together for four years, married for three in July. No kids. A lot of the marriages discussed here are longer, and same with the book. Is there hope for shorter marriages?
I finally had to contact a lawyer, because he keeps threatening to do the papers himself, and wants to decide on spousal support, etc. I'm 33 and I've never done this before, and with him shouting into the phone "I don't love you!" -- it's not true, he does care about me very much, he's just not in love with me -- I can't do this fairly for myself. He was so adamant that we not use lawyers, to save on expense, and I really wanted to please him. I didn't want to do something that he's so extremely against, because that's not exactly helping the situation. But there are things like stocks involved, and I don't even know what the papers look like, etc. I just want a pair of professional eyes to help me.
So anyways, that's my story. I think that he actually cares very much. But he refuses to respond to my texts, or my emails. Not entirely true, partially true. He finally, on Thursday, responded kindly.
Hey Starlingesque, Like you I've worried that my marriage wasn't long enough for the DB techniques to work, but honestly after thinking many times that my H would never come around, I'm starting to see some baby steps back in my direction. Patience, patience, patience as they say .
Good for you getting a lawyer's help. You don't have to push things along, (let him file and do the hard work of moving things along) but its not for him to decide how you get through this if he won't support you financially or serves you papers.
What kinds of emails or texts are you sending? Are you giving him space?
I know it's hard to do but just letting him alone is often the first step in the right direction. Plus the book and techniques are for you so I wouldn't worry if he's not interested in doing any reading or work toward saving this marriage right now. Take a big deep breathe and roll up your sleeves knowing that you can get the ball of change rolling w/ or w/o him on board.
BD: Aug 2012 Separated since May 2013 S born Aug 2013 Aug 2013 H agrees to consider 'baby steps toward working things out' H is/was actively seeing someone?
This website has some similar techniques that reinforce the DB techniques and you can download an e-book for a fee. You can sign up for the e-mail series with 4 e-mails sent to you over several days. It helped me out with having a mental game plan for yourself.
Me: 42 WAW: 37 Kids: 0 Separated: 06APR13 M:7 Years, T:10 years WAW states she wants to "move on": 01JUL13 "Courage is the standing army of the soul which keeps it from conquest, pillage, & slavery."
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