Hi CP, just stopping by to say I hope you have a good week and keep up that PMA! The jogging sounds good for you!
Me: 27 H: 27 Together: 11, M: 3 S 2 BD: 06/24/13 Living together H: EA - unknown current status Read: DB, 5LL (slowly reading DR) Back and forth we go...
Great day today.. no tension between us at all. For the past week I had initiated most talk between us. Today H talked a lot, telling me funny stories about things the kids did or said, and he seemed almost cheerful. It is days like this that keep me motivated.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Got an email from H this morning that he wants to have a serious talk tonight about money. He would like me to return to work in the fall to my old office job. I worked in a productivity based office job with good benefits, pension, etc. But I absolutely hated this job and it depressed me.
I have an interview for a new job at a place that I would LOVE working at. The money would be less and no benefits. This job is flexible with hours, which means I could work around my kids school schedule, which would be great.
We are tight on money right now and my H's job is not as secure as it used to be. He is not likely going to receive any overtime, or bonuses and they are starting to lay off people. They were awaiting a big contract, which would help things, but it hasn't been signed and it might not go through.
I don't know what to say to H. The thought of going back to my old job makes me sick to my stomach as I really did not like the job and I don't know if I could emotionally handle going back with the way things are going. If I were to divorce, I would be an emotional wreck. If my family gets broken up I am going to be devastated. I don't know how I could possibly focus on working.
So I am stuck between going back to a job that I don't like or possibly finding another job that I would enjoy more, that wouldn't pay as much.
H rarely emails me, and when he does it is very formal and always to do something for him, like to run an errand. Now he is emailing me regarding finding a job. I understand but I am SO angry at him about everything he is putting me through. We are living in the same house, while being in this limbo, and he treats me like a stranger or makes me feel he wishes I were not around.
I have a feeling I am going to say things to him that I will regret... like he is trying to control me/tell me what to do, all the while he is threatening to leave me and break up the family. How he treats me like I don't belong in my own home and barely speaks to me. I am so angry at him! I am doing a good job of keeping busy and not take everything personal that he does, but I am still angry.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I am going to tell him that we can have our talk tomorrow (after my counseling session). That will give me a chance to talk it over at my IC, and also give me time to cool down before talking to him.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I am going to tell him that we can have our talk tomorrow (after my counseling session). That will give me a chance to talk it over at my IC, and also give me time to cool down before talking to him.
That sounds like a really good plan. Not only are you giving yourself time to cool down, you're also not giving him a response right away - making him wait until you're ready to talk.
As far as the job goes, you've got to put yourself and your kids first. Would you be able to afford to support yourself with the lower paying job if it came down to it? But at the same time, if your health is going to suffer in the higher paying job that would cause even more problems for both you and the kids. It's not always an easy choice. I'm in a job I love but I really need a higher salary now I'm a single mom (well at least until H decides if he does want to work on our marriage and re-join the family) so I'm currently considering the options as well - and my H isn't aware of any of this because I've chosen not to tell him.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
My old job is definitely more reliable and would help support us better, but I would be unhappy. It is a productivity based office job where quota must be reached every day. It is an extremely quiet office where you can hear a pin drop and talking to coworkers is highly frowned upon. The pay is decent, and i have good benefits and pension. I could call up anytime and my job would be waiting for me.
The job I have the interview for is a painter/shipping job at a reclaimed wood furniture store. It is my favourite store where the owner is a woodworker that makes unique furniture out of antique pieces and reclaimed wood from old churches and houses. I would paint and distress the furniture and ship the pieces, as well as do invoicing. This job is much more up my ally as I have a strong passion for painting, decorating and antiques. However the pay is lower. This job offers flexible hours, which I need since I have a child who attends school every other day. I would be able to stay at home with him on his days off school.
What I had originally thought was that I would find a part time job this year which enabled me to watch my son at home every other day, then I would return to my old job in a year from now.
Unfortunately my H's job is less secure now due to a large contract not yet going through.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
So now he is pressing me to have a talk about an important matter that is pressing to him because he wants an answer.. I have NO idea what THAT feels like!!... lol. cough.. cough..IN LIMBO STILL.cough..cough.
In all fairness.. I don't think that I should let my anger and resentment toward him cloud my decision.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Well, he dragged me into a talk about the finances and we ended up fighting about my job and our relationship. I tried to talk to him about options and he wouldn't have it.
I am having a tough time taking orders from a man who has treated me so unkind for the past months, with no regard for my feelings. Now he wants something from me. I am sooo angry with him. I don't know if I want to live the rest of my life with him.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Well, he dragged me into a talk about the finances and we ended up fighting about my job and our relationship. I tried to talk to him about options and he wouldn't have it.
I am having a tough time taking orders from a man who has treated me so unkind for the past months, with no regard for my feelings. Now he wants something from me. I am sooo angry with him. I don't know if I want to live the rest of my life with him.
You shouldn't be taking orders from any man, whether married to him or not. That is just so wrong and it's not a marriage!
You need to take a step back and really re-evaluate everything. You've got to put yourself and your kids first. Unfortunately finances have a tendancy to become a major issue even when they aren't really.
Don't make any major decisions while you're angry. You could end making a decision you'll regret. If your H pushes for a decision, tell your H you need time to assess all your options and that you're not going to make any quick decisions. In terms of the job options, make a list of the pros and cons of both and compare them, including personal feelings not just the things like salary, benefits and hours.
Take the time you need to cool down and think rationally about everything before agreeing to anything.
Hope your day goes well. Try to get some time for yourself, just to chill and not think about the problems.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
Thank you so much for your support Not Quitting! I truly appreciate it
Yes, he is more or less telling me that I need to go back to my old job, and he is not listening to any other options that I have mentioned. I don't think this is fair, although I do agree that we need extra money.
I am going to try to think of some alternatives. Like suggest I will take the interview for the new job, and if I don't end up getting the job, then I will without question, go back to my old job. Or I can take the new job, and while working there, search for a higher paying job (that I would enjoy working at).
I am so upset right now. I am angry that our discussion regarding me working is so one-sided with him telling me what to do, and also because he has been so cold to me lately and I am getting fed up.
I agree with you that I should not make any decisions while I am so angry. I do need to think rationally and right now he is pressing me for answers, it is only making me more upset.
I just want to be happy, and lately I am becoming much more sad. I have had a lot of bad things happen to me over the years and I feel like now is the time for me to focus on myself, and what it takes in order to feel happy again. I feel like right now I am in a downward spiral!
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
