Things starting in right direction, NEED TIPS!

[cruiserrg]

Rachelle,

Thanks for the reply. I do need to step back and not look through lenses shaded in fear. My W is making a lot of big steps and I do see them. I just have to keep my fears in check. I think I will add a goal or two to deal with these!

Last night went really well. She suggested in the morning we go back to her favorite hangout and have pizza. She got home later that I thought, which made me a bit nervous, but I fought the temptation to call. I actually prayed a rosary and she came home while I was praying! She had been running erands and doing some shopping.

I helped her bring her stuff in and put things away. She thanked me and gave me a hug and kiss. I asked her how her day went on the way and she told me what she did all day. She even mentioned she was at her MF's house having coffee with him and a GF. I has fears through the day she was alone with him, but didn't ask. It settled my fears down.

The night was fun with some good chit chat. She did ask me before we went into the bar to not be clingy in the bar like I was last time. I said ok. I said I thought you liked public affection, and she said just not right now. One thing that was interesting was she brought up a quiz her C asked her to take. It had blocks of questions on different subjects. She said she felt good about the self-esteem ones, but she broke down answering the ones about love. I asked what she meant by broke down. She said crying while answering them. She couldn't remember the exact ?s, but said it dealt with the need to feel loved by someone and another about needing to love someone. I asked if they talked about it, she said no but were going to the next session. She even said she was going to try to get one next week since her next one was 2 weeks away. I then told her that I love her so much. And she said I know and I love you 2.

It felt really good to hear her open up some to me. She didn't go into much detail on her feelings, but what little she told me I think says a lot.

When we got home, I asked how I was being not clingy. She said that I did great and appreciated it. I then asked if there was anything I did that she didn't like, and she said no. We did have a touchy moment when her MF called, it was about 10:15. Afterward she told me he was just checking up on her to be sure she wasn't on the road and coming over (it was snowing out). I said interesting. My W then said a bit adimetly "don't read into things". I said I was sorry I gave her that impression, I wasn't trying to read into things. She also told me about another MF that is married and has a crush on another woman. She said her MF that called was joking that he should be devious and go after the other MF's W. She said he was just joking, and I responded that just ins't cool since the married MF has a kid. She agreed and again said he was drunk and just joking.

I think things went fairly well, and there was some good positive baby steps. She did say that tonight she was going out with friends and didn't want me to come along. I said ok and that I had possible plans. I asked if she would be coming home that night and she said yes, and I told her I would also. It does make me nervous that when she goes out with MFs that she doesn't want me around yet. I kinda indicated that at one point, and she said you know some of my firends, and she will bring me around sometime. It gave me a bit of reassurance, but its hard to deal with these fears sometimes.


Goals:
1). DO NOT ASK OR EVEN INSINUATE WANTING INTIMACY!

2). DO NOT LET HER KNOW WHEN YOU ARE DISCOURAGED!

3). NO R TALKS UNLESS ANISSA BRINGS IT UP!

4). DO NOT ASK FOR STATUS CHECK, LOOK FOR POSITIVE BABY STEPS AND AFFIRM THEM WITH HER.

5). CREATE AN ENVIROMENT OF TRUST. DON'T READ INTO THINGS AND TRUST HER AS IF WE HAD A STABLE M.

6). DON'T LET MY FEAR OF HER BEING SOMEONE I MY NOT WANT TO BE WITH CLOUD MY SEEING HER WORKING ON OUR M. DO THIS BY FOCUSING ON THE THINGS SHE DOES THAT MAKE ME FEEL LOVED BY HER.