Is it too soon to give up hope?

[SoLostandAlone]

I'm new here and I've read though a number of posts. It just doesn't seem like any of it is working for anyone. I got DR a few days ago and have been trying to read it when H is not around. It doesn't (or I haven't yet seen it) say that we are supposed to hide the book or not let our spouse see it. In either DR or SSM it even mentioned perhaps both spouses read it kind of together at the same time. So I don't know if he is "allowed" to know I'm reading it in a last ditch effort to save our M or not. He did see the book when it arrived in the mail, so nothing I can do about that. I was told I was no longer loved this past July. Everything else has become blurry for me. I don't even know the exact date like some of you do. Just that everything after that point has not mattered much. I wasn't "ILYBIANILWYA" either. Flat out, "I don't love you anymore, I don't know the last time I did and I don't think I can again." We have been T for over 10 years and M for almost 10 years in October. Met and M pretty quickly after his first D, which I'm certain is a contributing factor. This came out of nowhere, but I should have seen it coming. Our intimacy has been zero for awhile. I believe I suffer from a greater type of depression than I have been taking medication for. I have an appt with a psychiatrist this Friday. It's been pins and needles waiting on this appt that I should have made years ago. And while I think it will help me, it won't do much for my situation. I am planning to move from PA to TX after we file and have a hearing for our 2nd bankruptcy in October. I am so confused right now. I've had to take time off work for depression/anxiety. I believe it is mentioned in one of Michele's books how divorce is similar to death. I am so devastated. Don't want it to be over. I still love him, but there are millions of miles of virtual space between us right now. He brought 3 children into our M. My first, his second. We have none together which has always been one of those things we don't talk about much. I have not been the mother I wanted to be. I've never done enough with my kids, but I've always done everything in my power for them to be happy and have things they want. They have no contact with their biological mother - that has been her choice. They call me "Mom" and I consider them mine. I was always the one making dr's appts or making sure they had rides to soccer practice if we couldn't go and such.
I don't see how anything can turn this around in what, 8 weeks or so? And once I'm gone (I cannot afford to live in PA alone on my sole income), I don't see how there will even be any opportunities for contact. H already said the kids can come visit for half the summer and some holidays. He just seems to have figured everything out while I was still under the assumption that we were semi-happily married. I work from home and don't have any friends here. I've always liked working from home so I could be with my dogs. But in doing so, I have little socialization and I've gained weight. I'm not the fun person I used to be. i can understand how he fell out of love with me. I know I need to work on myself and do the GAL business, I just find myself more depressed everyday thinking about my life without my best friend. How does your best friend do this to you? How did this happen? Why didn't I try to do something about lack of intimacy and my depression sooner? The same thoughts chasing each other around my head making things feel all the worse.
It seems like a lot of you have been at this for months and years and you are still not receiving the results you are hoping for. If you've been at it for months and years - and I'm moving 1300 miles away in 8 weeks, there would appear to be no hope for my M.
I feel so badly for all of you. This IS like death. Only it is replayed everyday. Over and over again. And you all have felt the hurt I'm experiencing now. I don't know how you've gotten through it. I just don't see how I can ever be happy or even accepting about my life and future. I'm so heartbroken.