Spent the weekend riding bikes with the kids and painting inside the house. My W "worked" (she frequently works landscaping side jobs with the OM on weekends or just tells me she's working and they go spend the day together)all day Saturday and got home around 9:00 p.m. The neighbors asked to get together for some drinks, so we were sitting on the proch enjoying a drink when she arrived home. She grabbed a bite to eat and joined us for drinks and conversation.
The OM used to live a few houses down with a live-in girl friend, but he brought his wife over from Mexico and now she lives in the house with their two boys. He moved out as they are no longer "together" and he lives in an apartment with his girlfriend. The neighbors and I are aware of this information as we chit chat about the goings on in the neighborhood, plus my W shared all this info with us all as she maintains the facade of them as co-workers. I know there is an on-going issue between my W and the OM about this girlfriend he lives with. He claims that it's over with her and he's told her to move out, but she can't find a place. My W expresses her hurt for his dishonesty and unwillingness to get rid of her and he claims he's trying. I know this from previous texts I've seen.
I'm struggling because the conversation began to drift toward the OM and his girlfriend because the neighbors new of them while they lived in the neighborhood and know that my W still works with him, so they hit her up for gossip. They have no idea there's an affair going on between my wife and OM(previous neighbor).
Sitting there listening to all of this, knowing my wife is in an affair with him and hear her tell the neighbors of all the details about the OM's relationship with this girlfriend is hard to take. It's like a bazaro world.
Anyway, I'm confused about where my focus should be at this stage. Since my W is unaware that I know everything about her affair with OM, should I talk to her about our relationship and how I'm unhappy and want to work on myself because I know alot of our issues are a result of my attitude, behaviors and issues? Or do I strictly focus on DB techniques and simply demonstrate through my actions, 180's and GAL while this affair runs it's course?
Don't know what to do. Considering the issues they are dealing with, I'm hoping their relationship falls apart sooner than later. But who knows?
When she comes home from work, I do not initiate conversation. She says hello to the kids and hugs and kisses them. Out of awkwardness, I then greet her. After that, she remains pretty much to herself. Occasionally, she will strike up a conversation or tell me a detailed story about work or something. I just listen intently and validate her. This is where I find myself confused. Should I engage her? Ask about her day? Or just leave her alone? Doesn't it make me look aloof or disinterested to her if I remain silent?
ANY TIPS???
Vince B M=10 yrs T=13 yrs M45 / H 44 2 Boys 5 & 8 D Day: 7/16/13
