I know that isn't attractive to her at all but at the same time I had to say something.
No you didn't have to say something! You need to stop making excuses for pouring out your feelings and pursuing her -- it's NOT GOING TO WORK. It will only push her farther away and leave you feeling more rejected. You may get some temporary attention out of guilt, but it's going to push the resentment meter higher.
Originally Posted By: Hurt84
interpreting everything I'm saying to be that I think she's this horrible person - her words.
This is manipulation. She's turning the situation back on you. When you complain, she has three possible responses: (1) engage you to understand your complaint and work with you to resolve it (2) ignore your complaint (3) turn it back on you and condemn you for complaining, often expressed as a failure to accept her as she is, a failure to love unconditionally, or she will exaggerate your complaint such that you are making her out to be a monster, and then hold that against you.
The WAS script is usually (2) and then if you keep pursuing the complaint it goes to (3).
She doesn't need to be convinced that you want to be with her, and she doesn't need you to explain why. She's just trying to manipulate you so you'll stop complaining, or asking anything of her, because she doesn't want to feel responsible for you or your feelings. That is all that's going on. Imagine she's trying to walk away and you're holding onto the back of her shirt, that's the effect of your complaint right now, it's just annoying her and will not change her course.
In the first scenario, 180 works. In the second scenario, her complaints are a red herring and working hard to address them is the equivalent of pissing in the wind. The only thing that's going to help in that second scenario is removing yourself from being her lightning rod so that she can see that she's still unhappy without you, and maybe you weren't the source of her unhappiness after all.
She will NEVER come to that realization with you pursuing her -- NEVER.
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
