Things starting in right direction, NEED TIPS!

[cruiserrg]

GRRR, I feel like I did when this whole mess started except now I don't know what to do with my W here! Its so frustrating sometimes.

We were sitting here watching TV and my W says next Monday she has a hair appt at 3 (our MC is at 4). She said she was going to see if she could move it, but if she couldn't I could go alone. Man that burned me.

I calmly said that it was her choice, but I would like to go together because I think it helps us.

Then later on I had to ask if she felt the MC was helping. She said she didn't know, and asked if I did. I said yes when we go together. She was tired and I shouldn't have pushed. I got onto being discouraged again, and she was upset at it. She said a lot has changed this week and doesn't understand why I would be discouraged.

I sat down next to her and tried to explain, but I couldn't seem to find the words. She went to bend and she reached out to me and I said I don't want to give up. We both said we were sorry.

OK, now I need to add another goal. And I am going to type them in each reply here to remind me.

1). DO NOT ASK OR EVEN INSINUATE WANTING INTIMACY!

2). DO NOT LET HER KNOW WHEN YOU ARE DISCOURAGED!

3). NO R TALKS UNLESS ANISSA BRINGS IT UP!

4). DO NOT ASK FOR STATUS CHECK, LOOK FOR POSITIVE BABY STEPS AND AFFIRM THEM WITH HER.


I am mad at myself, I know better and can do better than this. I need to keep up my DBing, and not pressure her. I have to put my needs off for now and keep up whats been working. Its just so hard when she says things to negate the positives that she is doing. I am living with an alien!

Edit to add more goals. I also can tell she needs to know I see her trying and appreciate it, not get discouraged at the negatives. Why can't I focus with her here!