Today was a fairly good day. I did a back slide a bit and asked about being intimate. She said no, but I could tell it bothered her. I really have to try to not ask for this or even imply I need it. Its so hard though because I have HD. My new Goal must be to NEVER bring up intimacy unless she does. This since old goal is not needed since she has moved back.

We did chit chat as she was getting ready for work and we hugged and kissed goodbye, tho I initiated. She came home an hour after work (man my mind was making up things) and when she got here she had been shopping. (Stupid me, gotta stop jumping to conclusion!)

We then talked a bit and went to MC. MC was good. SHe filled him in about moving back in, though she said it was because the place she had has no water (this is true). She could remember how long she had been staying over, and I filled in the details.

She then went into what transpired about at the bar and my jealously. It was a good discussion and MC talked about us finding some common ground, and that my W may have to pay extra attention to me until things calm down in social events. I was able to explain that I never would have reacted like this before as I was trusting and secure in our M and R. I explained that it was just due to the current circumstances. MC talked about having to build that trust back up between us. It was a good discussion and I think we both came aways with new perspective on it.

He then asked about other issues and there was silence to a while. (I was trying to let my W answer) Since she didn't speak up, I went into how I am working hard to deal with the emotions of all this. I expressed difficulty going on without my needs being attended to. I also taked about not knowing if I would be able to make it through this sometimes. MC understood and validated my feelings. I said that we need to meet half way on working together on this. MC said that we actually should try to overshoot 50% as sometime you will put more into something without getting equal return. W and I agreed.

W then wanted to get into the intimacy area, as that was my need I mainly was refering to. SHe said she isn't ready for that, and feels presured. I expressed that I didn't want it if it wasn't freely given. MC talked about sexual and non-sexual affection and that we need to communicate these things with eachother. My W said she fell like she wants to push me away and tell me no, but doesn't want to hurt me. I said that I want her to tell me that rather than feeling aweful and resentful because of it. MC went into further that we need to communicate these things even if they hurt.

At the end of the session my W came up to me and said she didn't realise that I feel like giving up sometimes. If I remember she said she doesn't want me to give up (or that was my mind telling me that) and she gave me a big hug. I whispered to her that I don't want to give up, its just hard.

We came home and talked a bit. I cooked dinner and we ate togther at the table (we have been doing instead of me eating at the table and her on the couch), which is great. She even thanked me for cooking.

Well thats all for today. I still have emotions going up and down even with all the good positive steps. Boy I hope this gets easier.

God Bless You, Reuben Cautiously hopeful and keeping the Momentum