Look into James Dobsons "love must be tough" it will give you in sight on how to respect your self in situations like this.

I believe you were right to let you H know you are his wife and not in competition w OW. I believe boundaries need to be set if you two move forawrd w allowing him the time and space he needs to figure things out for him self, but he needs to do it with out damaging your family any further, IMO. Don't know if other DBers would agree....but I think maintaining your respect through this process will be a deciding factor.

me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope