If you knew this co-worker was gay, would you feel better and stop falling apart? I think you are your own worst enemy. Get your focus off him.
As a rule, I am not one who encourages opposite sex friendships. I just don't think it is a good idea for M people to have a friendship with opposite sex that does not include her H. Gal friends? Sure! But guy friends are taking chances, IMHO. However, I know that many people do have friends of the opposite sex. It doesn't mean they are attracted sexually, but it can happen in some cases. However, if you start in about her friend.....it will be the final straw with her. You have to stop looking at the TM right now, so you can focus on getting stronger and getting your family/marriage back on solid ground again.
The biggest problem I see in young families these days are them try to "have it all". The adults are working and going to school, and the kids are in several extra activities apart from school. That means you are spread very thin. There is no time left for family togetherness, much less just the two of you spending quality time alone. It will bring problems! B/c there is no time for a couple to have their emotional needs met in each other. So, one of them will eventual turn to someone at work, school, or wherever. You simply have to draw the line somewhere. In the past, the entire family would eat dinner together around the same table. How many do that now?
Some people let there kids be in everything. They believe they aren't being good parents if they don't let them. But when it keeps the kids on the go and parents are running here & there to their next event, it's time to "pick" one or two and let the other stuff go. It's crazy how much this is happening in families. Kids don't have to be in everything! Neither do the parents. You have to make family & marriage top priority, or there will be a breakdown at some point.
Stop your screaming and bawling over your stitch, and start making some decisions as the leader of your home. Your W cannot see you being an attractive and desirable man when you are being clingy & needy.
Are you trying to find out the status of your MR when you tried to talk to your W about the sleeping arrangements? Do your see the MR being in Piecing?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
