''Turtle Goddess she of the hard shell soft underneath awaits enormously in a dark grotto the young Heroes....'' Denise Levertov
Would that I had a shell to hide within! A literal one, not the figurative emotional/intellectual shadow shell we all carry.
I continue to plod along at top turtle speed. H initiated a R talk the other night. OW is facing some flak from her H since his discovery of my communication. (I sent the letter via FB back in March.) H feels my position of there being no room in our M for OW - in ANY capacity - is unreasonable. But I think he started to hear me, that I have no intentions of being with him while she is in his life.
"I don't think giving me an ultimatum is smart for you"
"There is no ultimatum H. I am not threatening you. I am telling you the decision has already been made. First by you, then by me. It is done."
I don't think he believes me. I think he feels his charm is enough to overcome.
His pain came through too in his R talk. It wasn't so much of an R talk, actually. More of an H talk.
He doesn't know what he wants to do. He wants to be with his parents.
And then?
He doesn't know. With me? By himself, being a hermit?
He doesn't mention being with OW. I don't know why this is. Maybe he doesn't actually envision a future with her? But he says he MUST always keep a connection to her.
He said they had agreed once to break off communications. But then he went into a panic and had to talk to her again.
The mean part of me hopes terrifically that he goes into a panic when I no longer have to talk to him.
The mean part of me is evil. Vile. Vengeful. Mostly locked up, but sticks her talons through the bars every now and then.
Goodness. Having a malicious turn right now. Must shake that off.
I have chores and oh yes of course, work. I think I might need a day off soon. Although, H has told me that because I only usually work 4-6 hours at a time, it doesn't really count.
Oh! And he said another H original! Gotta share!
I was recounting my day, which happened to include answering a phone call from a confused lady. She thought my wonderfuljob was involved with a backpack give away. We aren't. I asked my superiors if they knew anything about it. They didn't and advised me to just tell the caller "no".
Instead, I made a couple of phone calls and found the place that is doing the giveaway. This made me happy - that I was able to help the caller.
Later on the same day, I opened a letter mistakenly sent to wonderful job that should have been sent to some government entity so an 88 year old man could receive some sort of assistance. I had to do some sleuthing, but figured out where to send that letter. Go me! Twice in one day!
Drumroll.
H says, "You are just the go above and beyond type aren't you? You know, that really annoys some people." And he points to himself.
Peace!!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
This made me happy - that I was able to help the caller. 