Hi Valeska! Hope all is well with you! Gonna head on over to your thread now and check in
Journaling:
For the past couple of weeks I've been having interviews with a potential new job. This would be in addition to the job I have now, but has great long term potential for my career and would definitely help me out financially. Interactions have been mostly positive with theEx, but I know that things might get a bit tense when I go out of town in a few weeks. Traveling on my own is still a major trigger for me and although I've traveled on my own once since BD#2, I know I will have to keep myself in check when the time comes.
Things worth mentioning:
1) Recently (before I applied at the job) theEx has been mentioning an "us" more and wants to invest money in re-decorating our current place. Even when talking about hypothetical new places, mentions "us" moving there together instead of just her. This is an improvement from before when she would strictly talk as "I" and was hellbent on moving out and even an improvement from a couple of months ago when she wanted to do minor re-decoration but also asked if that would be okay if she still moved out. So even though she has dropped any mention of moving out recently, I know better than to let my guard down. This weekend we started phase 1 of redecorating and she has been saying how excited she is to have the apartment look so nice.
2) She surprised me at work and brought me food after she was done at work, saying she wanted to congratulate me on landing my first interview with this company. Although we actually only work 10 minutes away from each other, she never randomly stops by just because. The last time she did that was months ago. So that was nice.
3) I gave her a brief rundown on what I discussed in therapy last week week (which we both do each week when one of us has therapy). In the middle of telling her something unrelated, she asked if I told the therapist that we're together. I gave her a puzzled look and kind of laughed, "No, unless we got back together and I didn't know it?" Perhaps that wasn't the best response, but it caught me off guard. She asked if the therapist asks about our status and how I respond, so I told her she doesn't ask about our status but asks about our interactions and how I believed we've been having more positive interactions lately. I asked what if her therapist asks about our status and how she responds and she said she tells the therapist, "it is what it is." I said what does that mean and she said that we are together in many ways even though we aren't technically together and that she's trying to live in the moment. I didn't ask her to elaborate any further.
4) Physical interaction is still positive overall. While driving the other day, she reached over to hold my hand for a few minutes (which hasn't happened in a while).
