My mother is dying. XW wants to be my friend.

[AJM]

I agree with Snodderly. The 'why' will drive you nuts. She is NOT the same person and you can see that. She is also trying to heal in HER own way. One that seems to hurt you, but it's possible she has blocked so much that she doesn't understand (at a conscious level) why you are hurt and not happy for her. Kind of like she had an emotional stroke or something.

You can spend your time trying to figure out why she does what she does, when likely she doesn't even know. Or better yet, you can shake your head when it happens and let it go as just something she does. You can work at getting her to go away from your life (she will try to connect with everyone else possibly.)

She's just toxic to you Tad. There's no reason why that a normal person would understand. She may not even understand it. She doesn't seem to. She protects herself by telling herself that you're hurting her. That you cheated on her. That you're a monster. And so on. How can you argue with somebody like that, Tad?

You can't. They will just make up something else to protect themselves from you (read that as whatever it is that they are protecting themselves from; it's not "you" but you represent whatever it is.) Self-preservation is a very powerful motivator. The mind has these self-defense mechanisms (defence for those over the pond) and they are strange and wonderful at the same time, especially to the outsider.

But you can't change it. She won't likely stop. It's not fair. It's on you to stop her from intruding on your life and healing, Tad. It's you that has to leave her when all is said and done.

How is your mom by the way?

AJ