starting over again

[kelela]

I wish that I could ask a WAS a question? I would ask them why is it so easy for them to just leave their family to be with the other person and be happy with the new person and how can they just move on like that? While the LBS is hurting and confused and dont know if there is any hope of every getting their family back. I just don't understand why they don't care that the LBS is hurting so much, its like they only care about themselves and the other person they are with. And how can the other person live with themselves knowing that there is a LBS that is hurting and they are with a WAS and be happy with that person.

[TryingToDo180]

Sorry to hear about your son not quitting K, now I understand why you want to keep the photo up, I didn't realise it was your son that asked you.
Did you know there's a section on help for the WAS. You might gleam some information on there and start a new thread and ask the question.
I feel exactly the same at times about my H. I think it's totally selfish on their part to want to split the family apart. When they leave for an OW, it is total infatuation for this OW. It is a man thinking with his d@@k and not his head! They do say that men have their brains in their d@@K, lol. Have a good day K and speak soon

[Not Quitting]

TTD180, not sure they have brains there but some certainly spend more time thinking with their little head instead of the big one.

I'd love to know just what my H thinks he's gaining with an OW with her own baggage (Big D and S16), but then again maybe I don't.

All we can do is take it one day at a time, stay strong for our kids and work on ourselves.

[TryingToDo180]

lol NQ, I like that analogy about little heads The thing is that an infactuation is over quicker than a MLC spousa IMO. I know because my H has had both. They will soon get fed up of their new life and their new baggage and want their old life back hopefully Meanwhile you have to show him that you can be the best that you can be and get on with your life and look after yourself and your kids. I've recently cut out a load of magazine pages all about dieting, eating well and looking sexy. If I don't end up looking hot for him, I may draw some looks from others I've already had someone comment on my FB picture saying that I look sexy

[kelela]

And that is what im trying to do now. My H had left me in a tough spot with my car payment and phone bill they are both about a month behind and now I have to try to catch up on The payments. That was one of my faults for letting him handle all the bills. We are behind on them due to instead if paying the bills he was using our money on OW. From some things I had found around The house.

[kelela]

I'm in the process if making some changes on my appearance to make myself look much better then I use too couple of monthes ago.

[TryingToDo180]

Good for you It's awful when they get themselves into even more debt because of the ow and that's why it's important that you don't demand any money off him now as that will make you look as bad as her. That is aside from the money that you get for your boys. It's tough financially for both of you at the mo and he's not having an easy ride of it I can assure you
Do you have things going on at your local Church or community hall? It is worth checking as I've recently just found out that the Church hall hires out it's hall on a Monday for a zumba class. It's on next week, so I'm going down to check it out! Wish me luck I'll need it, lol!

[TryingToDo180]

My H left me with a untidy house with the wallpaper half stripped off in the lounge. I have asked him to do this for me, but he says he's too busy. I've stopped asking him now, one day I'll get around to doing it myself.
In the meantime I've got a door to fix. I want to do these jobs myself without any help from my H, unless it is a job I can't do such as electrical repairs.

[Mimi00]

I amvlate to the conversation, but, from things I have read many WAS' s truly convince themselves they are right in leaving. They blame the LBS for pushing them to leaving bc of all of the "mistakes" and hurts the LBS caused. Some WASs even convince themselves the kids will support them in leaving bc the kids will want them to be happy. It truly is a fog they are in.....they just want to be free and convince themselves of al the reasons they deserve to be "happy".

If you like to read and have time "This is not the story you think it is...a season of unlikey happiness" by Laura Munson. Her husband left her and she handled it in a way similar to DB techniques...she goes through many of the excuses her husband gave for leaving.

Also "love must be tough" by Dobson has some good ideas on why marriages fall apart and what causes WASs actions. A reason I'd never heard of in any other books: loss of respect for LBS. I read this book yesterday while at work....that reason hit home for me, I think it is unfortunately true for my marriage.

Hope you have a good week.

[TryingToDo180]

Thanks Mimi for your post I'll have a look at the books you mentioned. A lot of them though you can't borrow from the library over here in the UK, you have to buy them I'm short of cash at the moment. I need to save up for my insurance for my beauty business. I'm going to have to write a list of these books so I don't forget to order them once I've got some spare cash.
I wish I knew the reasons why my H left me as he didn't give me any, just gave me clues. He never once said he was unhappy in our marriage, he just left one day.
I still won't be able to understand why the WAS is determined to split the family up. I hope that we all eventually find happiness with or without our spouses. It's a loooong road to recovery!