Okay, so I am pretty sure wife is going walking with this co-worker. She wasn't able to go this morning so she sent him a text (at 6 am) that she wasn't going to be able to make it. Ahhh....This kills me. This co-worker is supposedly helping her through her problems and supposedly told her to work on her marriage. Maybe all that is true. I have no hard evidence to prove otherwise but I fill like this is crossing boundaries. I so much feel like going to this guy's place and confronting him but I know it will do me no good at this time. I need to act as if I don't know anything and more importantly behave as such. We have made positive gains these last few weeks so I need to stay positive with that.
My wife grew up with no mom or dad - mainly just brothers so she tells me she feels more comfortable with guys. Her best friend is a guy and she really didn't have any other guy friends until this co-worker came around. Ahh.....I am thinking the worse and am trying to prepare my heart for the worse while trying to stay positive. This is hard and I feel like giving up. I don't think I can make this work if she really is having a physical or emotion affair (which I suspect the later). I hate this. Just when I was beginning to see some positive signs of DBing this had to happen. I don't think I will do any more snooping - it causes too much pain but at the same time I want answers. I want to know what is really going on. I'm I being played? Am I being deceived? Does she only see me as a friend and father of our daughter and nothing else. Is she only tolerating the marriage for our daughter's sake and secretly is having an affair? More screaming.....
I know that for know I must love her unconditionally on her terms. I cannot make her love me or make her want to be close to me. She has to want that for herself. So in the meantime I must continue DBing, doing my 180s, demonstrating my love through actions not words and hope for the best.
Tomorrow my daughter has an event and I have class that night but I told my wife that I will be there. She asked me why when I never did in the past. I told her that that was the evil husband but that this one is good. She then told me I am going to have resentment if I keep missing class or don't study as hard to get an A. I told her that I don't care about grades when it comes to my family. That I will work hard to do my best but it was not going to come between my family anymore. We changed subjects but I know that she needs time to see that the changes are true.
In the meantime I will cry, be depress and fake it till I make it in front of my wife. Life bites right now. Sorry - just had to vent.
