Things starting in right direction, NEED TIPS!

[cruiserrg]

So here is how things went. She came over last night for pizza and to hang out watching TV. The pizza was great, and she and I sat together at the table and W said grace before we ate. She also thanked me for the pizza and said ILY before we ate. I smiles and kissed her, its been a while since she said ILY first.

We then watched TV for a while and then relaxed in bed with TV on til we fell asleep. I keep the mood lighter and didn't try to be affectionate as the night before.

During the night, I had another crazy dream (ended with me alone and everyone leaving me) and woke up. She asked what was up and I said bad dream and was scared a bit. I asked if she would hold me and she did and slept with her head against me (she didn't do that the night before)

Morning was good just hung out on the couch. One great thing was she started to rub my back on her own. It felt so good to get affection from her. I then showered and we talked a bit. She asked about my dream, and with hesitation I told her about it (Parts of it had me hagning with an old GF, and then W getting mad at me about it). I told her about being scared about feeling vulnerable due to my need for affection and love ont being met like before, and I fear that temptation from OW would be greater. I told her I wouldn't do anything, but it is a fear. She understood and appreciated me telling her about it.

She showered and then we got ready to go for lunch. I gave her a Emotional Needs Questionare since earlier my discussion on my needs she said she doesn't know what needs she has. She seemed to be open to it and thought it might be good. We then went out for lunch. Our discussion to lunch and during lunch was about my fear that I won't have enough patients. That many people tell me that they are suprised I hold on and don't take the easy way out. I also told her about my conversation with my Dr. about how many people he sees come in for depression from D and that many have regrets far down the road and realize the grass isn't greener.

I also told her about Dr. asking for what helps me so he can give to others to help. I e-mailed him this website and books that have helped. My W became intruiged and I explained how it helps to talk with other trying to save thier marriages and that people worse off than us have saved thier marriages. She actually became a bit optimistic.

I then talked about my Dr's and I's converation about worring about my W finding insurance if she ever left for good. I also told her I worry because I feel no one could ever love or care for her like I do. She began to cry and agreed, and said she said no one would love me like she did.

We then talked about how we need to just move forward and start a new marriage together. I talked about things we could work on. She said she felt we should have done more in the begining of our M to do thing. I told her its not too late, we just need to start.

She finally said that she still needs more time, but I could tell she was really thinking about us and saving our M. She drove me home and kissed me. I also asked her to try and fill out the Emotional Need Questionare so we could talk over this weekend. Then I said I felt if she tried to stay over here more often and several nights in a row that she would feel more comfortable to later on move back in. She agreed and said she would think about it.

All in all it was good, especially our talk over lunch. She really opened up more than before and I could tell she wanted to start working on our M more soon. She hasn't cried like that around me for a while. She even talked a bit about her individual C and how her C feels she is punishing herself by not living here. When she kissed me goodby we looked in eachothers eyes and rubbed noses which was a good step.

I am hopeful, she did cancel being with me tonight but said she would think about coming home to sleep over after going out. At first I was sad, but think after our talk I have more hope that she wants to work it out. Its still hard and emotionally draining to be around her but I need to stay strong and patient, cause her and I understand I may not be able to hold up forever.