An onion, dance lessons and a Harley III

[subguy]

If you're asking the questions, on any of that, it's probably not time.

True... however these are the feelings I have at times. I am working out the kinks and when I am whole again then I'll jump into the shark tank lol.

What would dating do for you at this point?

Well (insert sheepish grin) in my heart I would feel wanted, however my brain says that is so co-dependent. My being a confident whole person again is my goal. My hope is to not possibly wind up in another crazy relationship.

This is where we get in trouble, we don't like the uncomfortable feelings we're having and think we must do something to fix it. NOW!

Right the desire to not have pain is fundamentally strong and I understand running into someone else's arms is just a band aide and eventually that will crash, however it does not change how I feel at this moment in time. I will do the hard work on myself, I have plenty of time.

Uncomfortable or even painful feelings usually mean there's something rumbling inside that we need to acknowledge, tend to, sit with, figure out.

Oh so true!!!! Obviously the feeling of abandonment and rejection is strong esp. with the date for the judge signing the paperwork getting closer and closer. That is where I am at, feeling abandon and rejected. I understand that i let myself feel that pain, she does not control how I feel. The pain obviously has dropped a lot in severity and is extremely manageable at this point in time.

In all actuality this divorce is more of an indication of my wife and her lack of willingness to work HARD on herself and our marriage and has very little to do with me. That is not to diminish my part in this marriage and the work still ahead of me, however I am willing to sift through the painful stuff and she is not. I will own my faults and shortcomings and refuse to own hers any longer.

What do you think?

I think I like getting advice from you... I also think thoughts and express them here as a way to release them and get feed back. I think I actually appreciate my wife dropping the bomb on me... Stay with me now. If it were not for her I would not have come to this board and met other people or bought a Harley. I would not be here getting help/advice and working on me being a happier person overall. I would have been stuck in a marriage that truly did not make me a happier person (it was comfortable not joyful). I would not have started working on a better relationship with my son or daughter. At times I am still upset with her about how she has handled herself and that is okay, I am allowed my feelings. I think I will be stronger and in a better relationship eventually if I continue to work on good old me.