Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...

[chasingpavements]

Hold on, the ride is far from over!! Like I've said before, I know its a roller coaster ride, but continue to act like your standing in the hot dog line instead.

Haha, Thumpered, you always make me laugh. Yes, what a rollercoaster ride it has already been! I am just happy that at least there are some good days mixed in with the bad days lately, it makes everything a lot more tolerable for me.

[chasingpavements]

We are at least able to be in the same room lately without H constantly sighing. To me, he looks like he is doing a lot better. Sometimes he is still distant, but not all the time, like before. Small steps right?

I am starting some IC next week. Looking forward to it! Hopefully I can set some more goals to work towards and get some new ideas!

[SM34]

Constantly sighing is general a sign of depression and anxiety. My W does the same thing, CONSTANTLY.

[chasingpavements]

You're right SM34, and it's hard for me to see him like that. I find it makes me anxious when I am around him and he is doing it. When my mother passed away a few years ago I was doing the same thing, constantly sighing. I am hoping that he will also start IC so he can work out some of his own issues. I can do all that I want on my end, but I think he needs to work on himself as well. It worries me that he is depressed. At least he does seem to be less stressed lately. I think I will pick up a book about depression.

[chasingpavements]

It is hard for me knowing that he is depressed and there seems to be very little that I can do about it. I mentioned to him before that I thought he might be depressed. He somewhat agreed then stated that "isn't it possible that I am just unhappy?". I am aware that there is not much I can do and that he has to make the changes himself.

[Not Quitting]

It is hard for me knowing that he is depressed and there seems to be very little that I can do about it. I mentioned to him before that I thought he might be depressed. He somewhat agreed then stated that "isn't it possible that I am just unhappy?". I am aware that there is not much I can do and that he has to make the changes himself.

You're so right about it being hard. For me it's harder this time because he's always come to me for support in the past when he's had bad times. Now I'm the last person he wants to talk to or get support from. We can only do what we can for ourselves but be there if and when they want our support I guess.

Glad things seem to be going relatively well for you. Whatever you've been doing seems to be going right.

[chasingpavements]

Update.. still in limbo. Had an OK week, kept busy with kids activities, jogging and soccer. H was somewhat grumpy and nitpicky/scrutinizing of my every move, to a point where I feel like I can never win no matter what I do or how I act. I have been very pleasant and sweet and doing little acts of service for H and also trying to give him space by allowing him to work in the basement while I watch the kids and prepare meals and clean the house.

Well, it got to be too much for me. I have this undeniable feeling that he doesnt want me to be around and it is an awful feeling. I told H exactly that, this morning . He said that sorry, but he was not trying to do that.

For those of you that have been following my thread, you know that I have a bad track record for starting "relationship talks" that never end well and always seem to cause me more trouble in the end!!!

Please help! I need some advice. Not sure what to do next. I am getting pretty fed up. I have tried so hard to stay positive all week long and STILL all I get in return from H is that I am doing everything wrong.

[Verum]

Update.. still in limbo. Had an OK week, kept busy with kids activities, jogging and soccer.

....

Please help! I need some advice. Not sure what to do next. I am getting pretty fed up. I have tried so hard to stay positive all week long and STILL all I get in return from H is that I am doing everything wrong.

I guess the only observation is to stop looking to H for validation. If you can find self-validation, then that is good. Pay attention to your H to see what is working, but do not look to him for validation that things are OK.

Since H is living with you, what is his love language? and then do this to help keep the connection between you two. This was the advice of my DB coach in my sitch.

Also, remember that progress will take months, not days or weeks. Keep it up!

[Not Quitting]

We probably all backslide from time to time. I know I certainly do.

SA is right - don't look for validation from your H. If you feel good, that's what is important right now.

Slow and steady, baby steps, whatever it takes.

[chasingpavements]

You guys are both right, I do look to him to see if what I am doing is working. I am just going to keep at it. I am not going to change my personality all in order to win him over. I am going to keep doing the positive changes for myself.

I don't feel that I backslided, I am actually glad that I told him how I feel. I am just moreso worried that I am going to initiate a relationship talk that I will regret. I tend to get emotional and all worked up when he says or does something that bothers me. My blood starts to boil and all the emotions come flooding in. I am worried I am going to say or do something I will regret later. I still have a lot of resentment issues to work out.

Well, it's a new week, and hopefully this weeks goes better!!
I am still getting caught up in the fact that I feel invisible to him. I need to get over that and just GAL. If he doesn't see what he is missing out on, that will be his problem, I am doing everything that I can do on my end.