Thanks for the reply, and I think you are right, I shouldn't worry about the guy friend(s) because she seems interested in me.
The date went better than expected. W showed up an hour before I thought she would. We hung out for a while and talked and listened to some new CDs. I had gotten her some stuff from the store she wanted that she thought I wouldn't get and a nice candle. She thanked me and kissed me.
My W wanted to shower here and wash clothes here, because the place she is staying has frozen pipes, and even when working the hard rusty water is wrecking her clothes. So I got the wash started and she showered. One thing was she seem comfortable to change in front of me, even though I looked away (I normally wouldn't do that). She also lounged around the house in her robe most of the night as her clothes were getting washed.
I later cooked dinner while she worked on finishing her brothers resume, which she has been putting off for a long time. We sat down to dinner and she made a toast to "a new beginning". I shouldn't have asked if that meant us, but I did. She hedged around a bit, and again said she needs time. (I have to learn to not probe so much!) She then said grace and we had a great dinner, she liked it a lot and thanked me for cooking. We both commented on how nice it was to sit down together and have a nice meal in our house.
We then basically lounged around on the couch and listened to music and talked. I was really comfortable. It turned into me rubbing her feet while she was getting real relaxed. She enjoys her feet rubbed so much. She did look at her watch once or twice and then said that she should go. I said that there wasn't a need for to go, and could just crash here with me and continue to relax. She let me rub her feet more and then said softly "alright I will stay" I got a smile on my face and my heart just melt. Then came the "don't get any ideas, it doesn't mean anything". I had to keep my feeling in check and said I understood, but thought it would be nice for her to stay.
I then had to go out to her van and get her meds (which I don't think she would have if she wasn't planning on staying, who knows). We then cozied up in bed and watched TV until we fell asleep. We even kissed good night and she let me hold her throughout the night. She did wear more PJs than usual, but in the early morning changed because she was hot.
During the night she did tell me she missed this, I replied staying her with me?, and she said yes I miss it so much. I asked her about it in the am and she didn't remember saying it. She sometimes will talk a bit while asleep. I took it as a good sign.
We then slept in and talked in bed a while. Then got up and watched TV, I took a shower and then she did. One weird thing was I asked her if she missed her shower and she replied "mr shower is my best boy friend, he cleans me and tickles my xxxix". For some reason it really hurt me, like I didn't matter much and didn't satisfy her (We didn't have sex during the night and not much other than holding). I then told her that what she said made me feel like sh*t" She said she didn't mean anything by it, but I felt resentful of the sitch and was a bit down while she was getting ready in the other room.
She came out and could tell something was up, and asked if I wanted to talk. I said do you really want to listen? She said yeah. I told her I just needed some cheering up and told her that I just took what she said the wrong way. I said if we were all fine, I would have taken it like the joke it was meant to be, but with things the way they are my insecurity got me down. She said she felt that her being here made me depressed, I told her no that it made me really happy, its just the comment got me down a bit because I thought I always satisfied her. She reassured me that I did and that part of our R was great, we just have other things to work out.
We then went to lunch and had a good time, and then she dropped me off at home.
Most of the talks were positive and even hinted at her working on things, missing our house and R, and wanting things to work out. She also talked a bit about how she is having a hard time with the conditions she living in, but was making it through.
I can't believe the anger and resentment that hit me all at once this morning. Even after the best day and night we have had in a long time, she hasn't spent the night since December 30th. Why can't I be totally happy about it? I guess its just me wanting everything to work out all at once and have the come home for good. I mean its going good, we even talked about future stuff and she even said a time or two "when I come home...". I have to keep the positive stuff in mind and remember PATIENCE! Its just so hard.
Well she is coming over again Friday evening for our third date this week. So I have to get prepared again so I don't backslide. Any tips or comment would be helpful.
Thanks
God Bless You,
Reuben
Cautiously hopeful and keeping the Momentum
