NEW LIFE / NEW ME

[Fartiltre]

Yesterday W and Ds came here in the morning to pack down D6s aquarium and move it to Ws. I had cleaned it and bought four new fish for D6. I don’t want the aquarium here so all I could do was to help it off the best way possible.

I haven’t seen the Ds since Monday so big hugs. They simply loved the room I made for them – even W liked the ideas I put into this. I haven’t involved myself in decorating before, since my ideas have always been rejected – now I decide and it works perfectly. I am working through the entire house over the months to come.

I have made a big mosaic of pictureframes in different colors on a wall. The children get to choose the pictures for frames in their personal color. S10 has gone with soccer players, heroes, D4 with Hello kitty, backyardigans – you get the idea! They have put their heroes in and then I have reserved two colors for me to put family pictures in. I looks like a million! I bought the frames in IKEA and put them on the wall with Velcro so I can easily take them down and change the picture which by the way I Google and then print. There you got it – easy to copy but put a small F in the corner for me
I loved the expression on Ws face when she saw this!

I have gotten some of my things into the house that she has moved out. Things I like but have agreed to move since she doesn’t. I like the things being back. I also bought a robot vacuum cleaner. I have suggested this for years but W resented this idea. D4 asked about it today and I showed it – it works to an extend that even W could see.
I like working the house and the garden.

I didn’t reach out for a hug when they arrived – I simply went directly for the Ds. She walk-by-touched me twice and kissed me on the cheek when we said goodbye later. Coach told me to continue the touching but yesterday I didn’t feel like and at the same time I wanted to focus on the children.

I helped packing the aquarium and then we went off to her place. She was eager to get the girls to show me the house. She is definitely proud of the house but that must be the fog and a few things hit me while there:
- The house is the opposite of her stated wishes when we were together.
- She is totally blind to all thing things that she will miss like space, air, silence etc.
- Presents from me are all over the house.
- She is good at decorating so it will be cozy but for now she has a long way to go.
- She is now in the city with all its advantages.

We installed the aquarium and then she drove me to the triathlon. I couldn’t do it because of medical issues but went there to cheer on my buddies. These two guys are both married to ladies from Ws mothers group. One of those ladies is one of Ws best friends.
They finished the race and we all met up at one of them. Them – two couples with children and mutual friends to me and W – and me single. We made a barbecue and just had a wonderful afternoon. They – especially the women – asked about how I was doing and I just kept my PMA high and avoided answering anything.

All along this day I have been thinking how much Ds and W would have loved being there!

It was so nice seeing the girls again – I miss them so much! SO MUCH!

I feel like I have been living in a bowl for five months and that somebody just removed it! I miss the good times and my family but I do feel good!

Today I am off to a concert with Ws cousin – it will be great