Newcomer's brief summary

[doubledown]

Sandi2,

I really appreciated your response. Thank you for putting so much time and thought into it.

I can tell you that something I've struggled with during our 10 year marriage is that my W doesn't show her emotions or share what's deep inside of her. She struggles a great deal with issues, but keeps them inside. It's unfortunate, but I wouldn't know what would make her melt in my arms or what she needs to hear from me emotionally. She is on antidepressants and has been since our first son was born. There are so many issues she struggles with: she's uncomfotable with sex. told me a story of when she was a girl in Catholic school and a priest sat her on his lap. She felt he was arroused and that effects her. Her freshman year in college, she became pregnant and choses to have an abortion. I only know this through finding a letter she wrote to the aborted fetus 18 years later and appologized to it. She is unaware that I know this. Her relattionship with her mother is awful. She can't stand her mother and blames her for alot of unhappiness in her life. She spent much of her high school years living with the family of her close girlfriend to put distance between she and her mother. That relationship with her mother still provides anger and hardship for my W today. She lost her career 4 years ago and still holds resentment toward her boss. He fired her because he blamed her for errors that she was not involved in.

She told me she wanted a divorce in 2010. This was during the time she had recently lost her job and she felt very overwhelmed and lost. She began to question all of her decisions in life. I cried, begged and pleaded. She was angry, but agreed to go to a Retrouvaille weekend (couples therapy). She began seeing a therapist and recommitted to our marriage.

She was workng retail at a garden/nursery center and was truely humiliated after such a successful career. This is where she first came into contact with the man she is currently in a PA with.

About a year later, the week before Christmas 2011, she was in a terrible car accident and broke her neck, ankle, leg and damaged her knees severely. This was a truamatic time, but I cared for her and our two boys myself. She had bouts of depression and breakdowns as she suffered through the healing experience.

She returned to work, and then the store closed for good. The nursery center that my W worked at decided not to renew their lease with the Landscape company that rented it to them. The following Spring, the owner of the landscape business ask my W if she would run the store for them. She accepted, but about a month later, the owner died of cancer which shocked everyone there. Including the hispanic laborer who my W is involved with the PA. He was essentially raised by this man(owner) and it was hard on him to lose his father figure. That may be their connection.

Regardless, my wife has been through alot over the past four years. I didn't help by complaining she worked too much and we never saw her. I was also very critical of her, judgemental, angry and drank too much. I would always try to solve her problems instead of just listen to them. She didn't want to have sex with me because she didn't like me very much and that caused problems.

So, there's alot to sift through.

Because I have looked at her emails and texts, I know she is planning on leaving when she gets her settlment money from the accident in about 6 months and plans to live with the OM.

I've been DBing and am a delite to live with. I'm very careful but she tells the OM I'm always around and it annoys her. I'm doing 180's and have given her no reason to become upset whatsoever.

I'll begin seing a therapist in 2 weeks and share all of this with him. I'm just don't know what else to do.

I feel like nothing I do matters and she hasn't said one thing about all I'm doing ...AND NOT DOING!!!

"There are things you can do that will have a positive effect on the outcome of all this mess, if you hope to save the M. "


What are some tips you may have to help.