starting over again

[TryingToDo180]

Sound like you've had a good time Well done for going out tonight, you're doing really well

[kelela]

I ment the movie not the mobile was pretty good.

[Makingchanges]

Hi there Kelela,
I am glad to see you are going out to do things for yourself Sometime a long shift at work is a blessing as long as I am busy. Keep focused on yourself and the little one

[TryingToDo180]

I guessed that's what you meant How are you today?

[kelela]

Not doing so good I had a melt down last night.I was so glad my boys weren't here to see me Caryng again. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I know it only has been little over a week since H moved out but I miss having him here with me. I'm trying hard to let go and its so tough to do. When the boys aren't here I take down his pictures off the wall so I don't see him at all which it helps me to forget about him. And before the boys come home I put the picture back up that's when it hits me knowing that he is no longer with me. I'm so glad that my work place is giving me a little more hours to work. I only have one day off this coming weekend my days are really long so I won't be at home thinking and wishing things would change and he comes back home to our little family. Any way how are you doing?

[TryingToDo180]

I think having his photos around won't help you as it will make you sad. Your boys may get confused as well, they may be thinking why has mum got photos up of dad when he's living somewhere else. I know my son would say something to me if I did that! I'm ok, I have the odd moment but that's all it is I sometimes get sad, but I'm out of the crying stage now. I am quite a strong person, so I tend to hold it all in. I know this is a bad thing to do, but I can't cry if I don't want to. Does that make sense?
I'm trying to move on with my life, but as you know my door is always open for him if he wants to come back home. I hold a bit of hope that he may come back one day and it's that bit of hope that keeps me going
I do still miss him and sometimes it gets lonely at night. The forum has been quiet tonight, so I've been looking up other threads to comment on. I should really be working on my goals, but when I feel lonely I like to talk to my friends on here
It's good that you're getting stuck into work, but you also need to have some leisure time to balance it out. I was telling someone else that maybe they could try taking up a college course on something that they've always wanted to learn such as French, cooking, sewing, etc. I'm stuck because my H only has my son over to stay at his about once a month. He only has a small place and H can't get a good night's sleep on the sofa.
Take care of yourself and your boys and speak soon

[Not Quitting]

I still have my wedding photo up. The only other photo of H is the one with us and our now deceased son - that one isn't going anywhere regardless of how things end between H and I.

It's not the photos that gets to me - it's watching our S13 saying goodbye to his dad. That's when I struggle the most.

As long as we're having more good days than bad, that's an accomplishment.

Take care and stay strong.

[kelela]

I'm sorry to hear about your son. The last picture I have of my H is last years family Christmas picture. the only reason its still up is because my boys had asked if we could keep it hanging up. So I told them if that is what they want to do then I will respect their request. I'm trying to stay strong in front of my boys its just so hard.

[kelela]

Yes it does make sense there are times that I'm so tired of crying and there are times the tears just flows non stop. I know I'm still in the early stage of my situation and I have to give it time its just so hard to do.

[Not Quitting]

Thanks K. Years have past since I lost him (long before my M started to fall apart), and I have my S13 to keep me strong now. If it weren't for him I'd probably be a complete basket case. Sometimes he's a lot stronger than I am. My H doesn't know what he's walking away from and may never know as he's managed to annoy S13 this weekend. If he keeps things up the way he has been over the last week or so, he's going to turn S13 against him as much as I'm trying to prevent that.