i'm not too blue- but thank you for giving a darn. i know what you're saying i think- maybe it is what you're describing.
loss of innocence. i just wonder if i will always have this suspicious side that i do now. i wnat to go back to justy trusting and not thinking about all the bad things always out there in life. i know- pollyanna huh??/
i keep thinking if I could just tip the house over- spill out everything loose and start again- i could be okay with that too.
i'm not even attached to alot of stuff . it's great stuff that entrtained me to collect it- (i'm not a horder by the way- not nearly) just clutter i guess...
but anyway- i don't even care about most of it-just can't seem to let go. keep feeling like i may need it or maybe i'm being wasteful to chuck some of it. my own neurosis-
raised by a depression mom- save save save and then save some more.
could be alot worse tho- huh? particularyly in this economy.
this saving thing- it's a good way to be really in general- so i don't regret that toomuch. wish i could lighten up and actually enjoy using something i saved. i don't see it happening tho any time soon. very tough - this insecurity ting.
i guess i'll get there in the end. i don't give a dman about the closets really-
just more excuses - i'm pretty over the excuses.
thanks and i hope i do feel like home when i get up there. it's a funny thing- life in both places. here is comforting becasue it's got sooooo much history in every single corner- i feel safe. there- i like it- and i like the seasons & my friends - BUT - it hasn't got that safe, cojoined, happy thing going for it. (i guess the place you began & were really really happy first) just not enough years in nj really really happy together. i'd say about ten before he began being the biggest jerk in the land.
oh well- i know you're rite- i'm doing okay really. i'm more detached (i think, anyway). just not "done" yet.
