ophhhhh geeez - i thought you were going for the "brass ring" here. like - courage cdentral. i mean - you k now - uh hem - doin "it". crazy me- where i get my notions who the heck knows.?????
i only can do the back thing becaue much like a big STINNKIN dog-my h is a sap for a scratch. thank God he doesn't completely just spin around and stick his butt on me like my sister's (very charming - but....) dog. oh man-
anyway- excuse me my dear. got the wrong end of that stick did i.
OHHHHHHH LINDA - YOU ARE IN VERY GOOD COMPANY HERE:
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Just the fish eye. But he did not flinch away, that made me pathetically happy. I AM pathetic I guess
i'm speaking BOUT ME = CAN YOU GUESS. YOU crack me up- THO. WE ARE pathetic kind of- but soooo the product of our times aren't we??? happy ever after - oh well- we are who we are - rite???
it's the darn age thing also- you have alot in common with me- or me with you-whaterer. you made me laugh and now ic an't remember what i came here to say.
maybe it will come to me.
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No think this way - if he wanted to be WITHOUT you, he would. He's the one who keeps coming home to NJ.
i like this quite alot too- i hope you could be right - maybe. how the he!1 does one ever know????? patience has never been my best feature. got some with needlework- not alot with people unfortunately. well, that's sure changing in life. is it a "better" me? i hopeso, ???
thanks for your insights about the "loving enough to let go" - i can allow him space to roam thru his tunnel. funny - same result i guess in the mlc- but my h was a total success at what he wanted- did the lawyer thing- saved up a bunch of money- quit when he wanted to pretty much- blah blah blah.
what the heck he wants - idk. toomuch for any normal life i think-
funny thing- the trip to russia may not be so terrible. well, it really is terrible - but i keep thinking if my damn h would just go, f'ing go and live with ow or whatever he things is gonna make him experience non-stop fun life- he'd at least figure out somewhere along the line she's not non-stop fun either- no person alive is.
BUT THIS WAY- this having her there- me here - stopping by when he feels like her- me, this $hit- WELL, LINDA IT COULD GO ON FOREVER. if he never ever has to stay anyuwhere long enough to feel the mundane sameness of it- who is to say he would ever ever ever snap out of his insanity? i wonder honestly- if this is just what he wants from his life- and then of course, that means i'm out of the mix at some point. i think i'd like more than this- l/4 time shared life. soooo pitiful- so, ya wanna arm wrestle for the queen of pathetic or what???
he doles it all out to himself bit by bit- why would he ever tire of her???
i can get the not delivering ultimatum thing-
I LIKE QUITE ALOT the grocery storeline. i don't ever seem to be somewhere meeting new men- who knows tho? maybe it's true that "love finds you" - like to hope on that one. if that's got to be the ultimate solution- wonder whose love tho?
oh geeez - i know- the axes. can you tell i've developed a serioyusl suspicious side???/ you're welcome anywhere anyway- home or otherwise. oh man- it didn't even occur to me that i need3d to inspect the car too !!!
wah wah. thanks for response. sometimes it helps to have someone point out the holes in one's thoughts. it's what i like about saying it outloud to someone else- rather than holding it in.
i think that's the bulk of my h's problems and insanity-hekeeps it in his head - his feelings - God forbid he should have them , much less share them- and inside that brain- they get distorted and wierd , but still apparently sound okay to him.
GEEEEZ =- i'd rather be me, sharing too much maybe - but hey- no one is gonna give me a medal for suffering silently and going down nuts. (are they???)
i'd better go serioyusl pack a bit so i'm not miser5able wed. nite after watching kids all day and THEN have to pack.
i have mixed emotions. every single time i leave here or he leaves there- no kidding - i wonder if it's the last time we ever see each other
idk why- just feels that way -
i'm soooo tired of the threat hanging over my head - sometimes i think it'd force my hand a be a relief to just be forced to be done.
