NERO FLOATING- throw that line.....

[willbwell]

nero, I need to read ur post from the beginning to get a bit of history. I clean my house for H...I am messy, He's type A. If I miss something, there's a hair on my shirt or a speck of pepper between my teeth. H catches it. How is that he sees stuff like that?
I think my kids are more like me in that regard...messy, but happy instead of so clean and uptight.
told my DB coach, my house is clean but don't open my closets...she said of course there is something to that! I'll get those closets organized this wkend, but they will be a mess again by xmas...just life

[albamarie]

Willbwell,

this is all just life, up and downs, we fall we get up. We are the strong ones who know how life works, our MLCers waffle along feeling sorry for themselves because they can't find perfection.

I wouldn't want to be perfect, just happy.

NEro, who cares what h want's, NOw say that 3x's and click your heals!

Nero, you are heading home soon, be home, let H go out of your thoughts and be at peace.

[nero]

heyhi-

ya know- i even have (maybe)one or two closets that are relatively tidy- but you wound'nt want to live in them.

what the heck is up with it all??/ this is the "thing" - does it really matter and is IT really THE problem.

i'm thinking if he managed to be perfectly with messyole me for alllllllllllllllllllllllllthose years - at least 30 - RITE UP TIL he began f'ing around and reconnecting with old ow frm his workin early early days-]

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY??? seriously! no kiddng- all of a sudden mess is the reason to toss out a perfectly good mate- 38 years and never look back. (well, except he didn't toss me out (why? idk !!

he didn't toss me out- actually lied and lied to keep me hanging around and here - in his life-

but what??? back to you bob- mess.

i just can't , in my heart, buy it as THE REASON>

HIS INSANITY- WHICH IS alot more seeable- blatant - wacky adn all fo the above- THAT i believe.

my mess!! he certainly never said good boy girl , when i cleaned up and tried and tried and tried some more- and believe me - a person can notice when the other guy is kuiling themself trying - someting new & better...


it's such Crappola - isn't it??/ i'm neater- and glad of it. i'm even really wishing i could get totally tidy in life- make myself less stressed by alot too.

howefver- the reason for alllll this???

i don't thnk so- he's nuts.

glad to meet ya -


xxoo my closets may always look like hell- but who is inviting him in to look? he checks the real trouble places just to make sure he's still miserable and i'm still inadequate-

you'd think he might look for the goodn ews for a change - no???

after all- we find what we're searching for , don't we? happiness, misery?

etc....

xxoo?

[nero]

okay man-

i'm workin on it. i wish it would just be there- happiness - in my heart like olden days.

i know it's true- like making self smile or laugh- and it benefits ya.

i want it man- tol et go of every single thing holding me back in this unhappy place

oh well- still tryin and thats' something - rite???

xxoo glad you're feelin good & thing going along okay with you.

see ya later- return imminent.........

[job]

Nero,
I'm so sorry you are feeling down. What has happened is that your security and happy life were torn apart w/he started running around and doing things that he shouldn't have been doing. I've been at this for almost 14 years and I'm happy again, but it's not the same type of "happy" like the olden days. It's very different because my world was shattered and I had to realize that the life I once knew was changed forever because you no longer are an innocent in the ways of separation/divorce, etc. Is that how you are feeling?

Eventually, you will get to those closets and you will box/bag up the stuff and get rid of it. For now, it's like a security blanket and one you visit each and every time you open the doors of those closets. I promise you, you will get stronger and that's when the closets will change forever.

Travel safely and know that when you return home, it is your space and you'll feel a bit more comfortable there knowing that he won't be under foot every day.

Take care of yourself.

[nero]

hey hi sondderly and thanks for note.

i'm not too blue- but thank you for giving a darn. i know what you're saying i think- maybe it is what you're describing.

loss of innocence. i just wonder if i will always have this suspicious side that i do now. i wnat to go back to justy trusting and not thinking about all the bad things always out there in life. i know- pollyanna huh??/

i keep thinking if I could just tip the house over- spill out everything loose and start again- i could be okay with that too.

i'm not even attached to alot of stuff . it's great stuff that entrtained me to collect it- (i'm not a horder by the way- not nearly) just clutter i guess...

but anyway- i don't even care about most of it-just can't seem to let go. keep feeling like i may need it or maybe i'm being wasteful to chuck some of it. my own neurosis-

raised by a depression mom- save save save and then save some more.

could be alot worse tho- huh? particularyly in this economy.

this saving thing- it's a good way to be really in general- so i don't regret that toomuch. wish i could lighten up and actually enjoy using something i saved. i don't see it happening tho any time soon. very tough - this insecurity ting.

i guess i'll get there in the end. i don't give a dman about the closets really-

just more excuses - i'm pretty over the excuses.

thanks and i hope i do feel like home when i get up there. it's a funny thing- life in both places. here is comforting becasue it's got sooooo much history in every single corner- i feel safe. there- i like it- and i like the seasons & my friends - BUT - it hasn't got that safe, cojoined, happy thing going for it. (i guess the place you began & were really really happy first) just not enough years in nj really really happy together. i'd say about ten before he began being the biggest jerk in the land.

oh well- i know you're rite- i'm doing okay really. i'm more detached (i think, anyway). just not "done" yet.

tra la huh? xxo

[job]

Nero,
I understand now what you are talking about when you mention your stuff. My father was raise during the depression and he saved everything because you never knew when you might need it. I'm that way to a point, but I also know that if I haven't used it within a year or two, then it's time to chuck it. There are some things that you have a connection w/that you can't let go of. I understand your situation better now.

When you are ready, you'll let some of the "stuff" go. You just aren't ready yet.

Take care of yourself.

[albamarie]

I'm happy again, but it's not the same type of "happy" like the olden days. It's very different because my world was shattered and I had to realize that the life I once knew was changed forever because you no longer are an innocent in the ways of separation/divorce, etc.

You're so right...it's the innocence lost that I mourn for the most.

Knowing the life I had is changed forever has been one of my biggest hurdles. But, once you except that, you can have hope for a new and maybe better life.

I do wish to reach a point of a new and better M than ever before, I'm not without some hope.

I pray for the day I can say I am happy again, with or without H.

Good for you, Snodderly.

Nero, we are on our way, it's a long process but I think we're both doing fine.

And, I hold you to that long night of laughing about this in the future over wine w strawberries in it!!!

[beatrice]

Snodderly is so right - the new happiness we achieve is different whether or not we restore our former marriage.

I have two friends who restored their marriages, and they say the same thing - the age of innocence is gone. What is there instead is different. Certainly I take less for granted, realise the need to give and take more. The down side is that I find it very hard to believe that people will not 'turn' against me suddenly. I don't let it show but a sharp remark will upset me more than it would have done.

I do not let this show because a bit of me knows that it was just that - a sharp remark. But the emotional resilience is gone, and a kind of endurance, and greater tolerance has replaced it.

[willbwell]

loss of innocence... hard for me but even harder for oldest s. How do I help him?