SBR "I've often said to everyone that I don't want subtle hints or clues, I want people to tell me what they want. Don't beat around the bush and hope that I figure out what's wrong. I knew he was depressed over his son, his job, and some other things, but I didn't know he had a problem with us because he never told me."
yeah man- total honesty was teh ONLY thing i ever asked for- and believed (dopey ole me) that i had. he seemed like the one person (sufficiently ruthless i guess) who would just lay it on the line - anytime- no fear- no nothin. boy, was i ever wrong- maybe now i think the bigger they talk (about their sterling & bravery, etc qualities) the less they have?
tho small part of me still hopes integrity is lurking somewhere in him- but sayign that out loud - probably not. maybe never there- maybe always my imagination & romanticism - only)
reading this- i have to say I honestly don't think there WERE ANY GIANT PROBLEMS. MY THOUGHTS are that we'd have "felt it" if there were. i think they manufacture them in retrospect - to justify their own treason.
well- i will admit he griped about my junk around when i was doing craft shows and it got soooo crappy around here in the fall when they were on and "stuff" was piled around- it was bad. haven't done that for several years now- i can admit my mess was - messy. (i'm such a neater guy last five or so years- it never made a difference. allll my best efforts were never ever met with any acknowledgement or reinforcement. what the he!! was that anyway? you'd think if it was a serioys request- it would bemet with approval???
(tho- mind you- he is more dirty- hairs allover the place, spills on counter doesn't wipe up- lots of habits i found repulsive- and then just took care of & cleaned up. sooo- while i can acknowledge things that bothered him as legitimate- i can't buy into they being the reason to stop loving someone because i overlook sooooooo many of his bad ones. what is that tho??)
it's been sooooo long in my r (the disconnect- i probably should be ashamed to have stayed in his life this long) - beginning with the quitting smoking (10 yrs ago?)- as i say this- i'm thinking he merely traded one addiction for another. he's the type- NEEEEEDS SOMETHING. I CAN REMEMBER times when he played video games for hours and hours on end.
well, he quit smoking- got seriously miserable and began e-mailing love letters to ow & yelling at me and blaming me - and morphed into TRUE LOVE FOREVER ( for at least two separate women at the same time - nice, true love (really)) and of course- bonking them - idk
it seems childish- but then, put a loaded gun in the hands of a child and they can kill as well as an adult. it's like that -
idk anymore - well, this morning- no theories that work.
