Husband Threatened to Leave, Don't know what to do

[TrentC]

Well at this point I would rather find a way to deal with it until we are back on track. Things are too sensitive right now to bring something like this up...if ever. He is a very independent person and hates when people tell him what to do so for me to voice this...would get me nowhere.

I'm sorry, but he give up some of that independence when he get married, and doubly so when he had kids. You aren't a babysitter, a housemaid, or a FWB; you're the woman that he pledged to share his life with.

The changes can't be all on you. He was unhappy for months? Guess what, those were months that he chose to let his relationship falter. He could have—should have—explained to you how serious an issue this was before dropping the "I'm thinking of leaving" bomb a second time. If he can't share what he's really thinking and feeling with you, then with whom can he?

Yes, you might push him to really leave you, but what is the alternative? Not knowing day to day what he's going to be like? Falling apart every time he stays out late, or says something you don't want to hear?

The alternative is him leaving and losing my husband. Not a great alternative for me....he was like this last time he came home too. Pushed the envelope. I remember a few weeks after he was home he went on a New Years Ski trip with a bunch of people, including wives and didn't invite me. He crosses the line cause he knows I won't say anything. But if I do then he gets mad and will leave.

I'm not sure I understand; are you saying that if you speak up he'll leave, but if you don't then he might leave anyway? What the hell kind of arrangement is that? You might as well go with the sure thing and get it over with, because at least you'll know where you stand then.

STOP MIND-READING. It's never done you any good. If your relationship is based on you trying to figure out exactly what you need to say and how you need to act to make him happy, that's not a healthy marriage.

This brings tears to my eyes because its exactly how I feel. I'm trying to say the perfect thing and act the perfect way to keep him happy and in a good mood when inside I'm so sad and spent.

That's the textbook definition of a codependent relationship, and they don't get better without work. When he's got everything he wants from you with minimal effort on his part, what on Earth is going to compel him to put more effort into your relationship? The answer is, you stop tolerating it.

I don't think the 4am stunts are acceptable either.

Glad I'm not the only one...he never used to come home after 2:30 at the latest...now 4? It's like he is staying out as long as he possibly can to see how I will react.

That is exactly what he's doing. He is testing whatever boundaries you may have set, and you're letting him get away with it. He won't stop because he believes he doesn't have to.

It's like he was in a war with me to see who will give in first...him coming home or me texting askin where the hell he is. Unfortunately I lost.

No, you lose when you give up and accept that the crappy treatment is all you can expect and don't ask for better.