Hi Hurt. What you describe is like a MLC but as you said she's too young. This brought back stuff for me that I'd somehow managed to block from my mind. My H started going out with friends that were younger than him. I never met them either and it annoyed me not knowing who they were. He said that some of them had wives as well. One Sunday, he stayed out all night! It was one of his friends birthdays and they ended up in a night club. My H got drunk even though he was supposed to be driving. He ended up sleeping in his car all night. I was worried sick as you can imagine! Anyway in the morning I rang him and the phone was switched off. I waited a few hours then I rang the police. I was just going to be connected when H rang. I am furious just thinking about it and being reminded about it! You've been together for quite a few years and if my calculation is correct, then that means you started going out when you were 17. Do you think she settled down too soon and is living her younger life now? What about you? did you settle down too soon as well or were you both still acting like 17 year olds? Just a thought Have you read DB and DR? In DB it talks about uncommon sense which I found great and would love to apply it to my sitch. When she goes out, tell her to have a lovely time and comment on how nice she looks. Tell her you won't be waiting up for her and you'll see her in the morning. In the morning I would have a cooked breakfast, she'll either want some as well or throw up if she's hungover. Either way it's in your favour. Act as if you're not bothered what she does, but show her you still care. Does that make sense? When she's in a semi conscious state (I'm assuming she gets drunk!) then ask her if she enjoyed herself and if she feels better. Give her lots of space as well. Go out if you need to and go for a long walk or meet up with friends, etc. I wouldn't question her about her friends anymore, just let her go out with them and be happy for her. The last thing she wants is that you don't trust her. My H left me 12 years ago for an OW. When he came back home 8 months later, I found it hard to trust him again and it put a strain on our marriage. We didn't talk about it or go to MC, he didn't want to talk about it but I did. If you don't trust her, try not to show it. Just be happy for her and get on with your GALing that you had started before. I'm only saying these things because she is still living with you and there's still a chance that you could change things around. Start doing 180s, be pleasant towards her, listen to what she has to say and don't interrupt. If she says anything that she finds irritating about you, just acknowledge it. Reread Sandi's rules and follow them. I hope I've helped. If you're already doing this stuff then great Keep up with the good work
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
