It sounds like your W still doesn't get it that the "in love" or "passionate" feelings don't come automatically back unless you actually DO SOMETHING about it. Your W is just standing there waiting for the feelings to come back. They won't unless she actually initiates change.
I've told her this a couple times now.
Originally Posted By: MrBond
The fact that she said that she didn't feel like she would miss you is a big sign.
Yes, this is obviously the most concerning part of the convo for me. I may need to clarify with W again as she has a very hard time expressing herself, especially when she's emotional. We've never had the opportunity to even feel what its like missing each other in our R.
I'm hoping she meant she'd thought she'd be fine on her own. I can't remember her exact wording she used after she said "I don't think so" when I asked if she feared losing me.
Originally Posted By: MrBond
Maybe it's time to do something different. Have you done anything to incite any passion in her?
I'm all ears if you have any suggestions. I believe just having that convo last night evoked some level of passion. Come to think of it everytime we've had one of the major R talks we become closer right afterword and S and intimacy has been involved. Then it fizzles out with our daily "surface conversation".
I found it interesting that at the beginning of our convo she said she hated talking about it, but then within 10 minutes of talking about it she said she was glad we we're talking about it and it made her feel better.
Originally Posted By: adinva
In my opinion, you can love someone and leave them. It is not a loving act to allow someone to abuse you and treat you poorly. Setting a healthy boundary, taking good care of yourself, and ending the relationship if necessary ... to me is an act of love for both of you.
You're suggesting I leave her?
Originally Posted By: AccurayI KNOW that's stepping off a cliff, has financial implications, is bad for the kids, etc. etc., but I *honestly* believe that is the fastest way back together again. The risk, of course, is that while separated she starts dating someone else, gets those "craving" feelings, and it reinforces her beliefs for the next few years until those feelings for the new guy wear off. That could happen, but I would say the chances are very slight. [/quote
I'll be honest, my stomach turned reading this. I'm not even saying I think you're wrong, but don't you think there's other things I should be trying first? MC? Retro? Something else to give my W some perspective? Leaving her would feel like giving up. Do you really think its time to let her go based on my last post? What if her wording came out wrong or I miss interoperated a piece of it? What about patience, patience and more patience?
[quote=Accuray]I will say this again and I don't know how to make it sink in -- if you are skeptical that she will step up for the relationship *you* want longer term, *now* is the time to separate. Right now is the easiest time to go.
Of course I'm skeptical, but wouldn't that be the majority of us?
M-38 W-32 D7, S4 M-10 BD-May '12 S for 1 month-June '12 Reconcile, Piecing
