Hello Everyone- I thought I would resurrect this old thread and give a little updadte since my xh seems to be peeking out of the tunnel again. Coming here reminds me of all I have been through with him and hopefully it will give me some perspective. I really should shut that door of my life and lock it but I sometimes I can't help but question myself. Could he change? Could he truly realize that I wasn't the problem? Does it matter because how could I trust him?
My xh has been doing touch and goes for months now. In fact, several months ago, he told me he was sorry and he realized that he blamed me for many things that weren't my fault. So last week he asked if I would meet him for dinner. I'm not exactly sure why I agreed to meet him but I did. When we met he apologized again for what happened between us. He implied (but never came out and directly said) that he would like to work something out between us. A few days later he texted me "It was nice seeing you. I miss talking with you but understand that you might not feel like talking with me." I replied "At times I miss talking to you. I appreciate your apology for how things turned out and it makes me wonder if we could re-establish some kind of friendship. It isn't impossible but it might not be easy." He replied "I really do miss a lot about us".
I have to remind myself that this doesn't mean much. Before our last go around, this would have been enough to convince me that he was finally coming through this and we could start rebuilding our life together. I can't think that way now since my xh has left me twice. How could I ever trust him again? Just to get my xh out of my head after this last go around, I spent months repeating to myself "You deserve better". It became my mantra. In the last 14 month, I have "found" myself again and I'm learning to be happy on my own. Being single really it's all bad. I'd prefer to find committed companionship but either way, I will be happy.
When we met for dinner the other night, I let my xh know that I would have difficulty trusting him and that it seems that he just pops up periodically to stick his toe in to test the water. His reply was "Rome wasn't built in a day"! In any case, he will have to continue to build Rome himself and it looks like that is going to take a long time.
So, the question is would I be better off shutting the door again and keeping it locked?
